Raising the cost of fuel: IELTS Task 2 essay #7, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
317 words. Marked by Axiom on 6 May 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2317 words
Some people think that it will be one of the best ways to solve the environmental problems to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Finding robust solutions to environmental problems has long been a topic of debate, with some individuals believing that it is increasing the cost fuel for automobiles that resolve air and noise pollution.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI strongly disagree with this viewpoint as there are many other approaches to mitigate environmental issues.
The revised sentence corrects the misuse of 'myriad' and improves the clarity of the point being made.
As a result, not only atmospheric and acoustic pollution would decline, but also governments may witness boost in their budget, since numerous individuals start to public transports in high scale. However, this may seem extremely positive approach, in reality, this affects negatively to people, especially to impoverished communities.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedProponents of raising vehicle fuel costs often highlight it as a means to mitigate environmental pollution.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and clearer connection to the following sentence.
Lexical resource
RevisedWhen authorities increase the cost of automotive fuel, people may be forced to use public transportation or switch to eco-friendly vehicles.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn simple terms, if governments increase the price of petrol and diesel, various underprivileged communities dependent on agriculture could suffer from high fuel costs for agricultural machines.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThus, it is important to maintain a balance in the price of automotive fuel.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
There are many tactics besides increasing the cost of vehicles to overcome environmental problems, and one vigorous method is implementing electric cars. Moreover, by improving public transports, governments can easely deal with environmental problems, because many individuals prefer convenient and inexpensive public transports to buying own car.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIf countries were to promote only environmentally friendly vehicles, their adoption could potentially increase.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear connection to the following sentence.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs a result, this could not only reduce pollution but also conserve fossil fuel resources.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThus, it is crucial to explore more effective methods that could lead to a better environmental outcome.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct connection to the point being made.
In conclusion, although, rising costs of fuel for vehicles may plays a positive role in declining environmental issues, its adverse side on underprivileged individuals is more concerning. Instead, by increasing the number of eco-friendly cars, and improving public transports, we can achieve better results.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedProponents of raising vehicle fuel costs often highlight it as a means to mitigate environmental pollution.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and clearer connection to the following sentence.
RevisedIf countries were to promote only environmentally friendly vehicles, their adoption could potentially increase.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear connection to the following sentence.
RevisedThus, it is crucial to explore more effective methods that could lead to a better environmental outcome.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct connection to the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the overall level of grammatical accuracy is quite good. However, there are some minor errors that affect the clarity and readability of the essay. For example, "rising vehicle fuel often highlight" should be "rising vehicle fuel costs often highlight," and "its adverse side on underprivileged individuals" should be "its adverse impact on underprivileged individuals."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI strongly disagree with this viewpoint as there are many other approaches to mitigate environmental issues.
The revised sentence corrects the misuse of 'myriad' and improves the clarity of the point being made.
RevisedIn simple terms, if governments increase the price of petrol and diesel, various underprivileged communities dependent on agriculture could suffer from high fuel costs for agricultural machines.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
RevisedThus, it is important to maintain a balance in the price of automotive fuel.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "environmental pollution mitigation," "acoustic pollution," and "eco-friendly vehicles." However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. For example, "rising vehicle fuel often highlight" should be "rising vehicle fuel costs often highlight," and "easely deal with" should be "easily deal with."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhen authorities increase the cost of automotive fuel, people may be forced to use public transportation or switch to eco-friendly vehicles.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
RevisedAs a result, this could not only reduce pollution but also conserve fossil fuel resources.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
RevisedMoreover, by improving public transportation, governments can more easily address environmental issues.
The revised sentence corrects the plural form of 'transport' and improves the clarity of the point being made.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument against the idea that raising fuel prices for vehicles is an effective solution to environmental problems. The writer provides a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss the potential negative impact on underprivileged communities, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples and explanations. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed discussion of potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall persuasiveness of the piece.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your argument.
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