Raising the cost of fuel: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 8.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

286 words. Marked by Axiom on 11 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2286 words

Some people think that it will be one of the best ways to solve the environmental problems to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?

People have different views as to what the optimal ways are to tackle the environmental problems. While some people believe that increasing the cost of gasoline is the best way to solve environmental issues, I believe that there are other ways to improve the ecosystem.

On the one hand, it can be a good method to raise the cost of fuel in order to deal with environmental problems. When the government impose a law on increasing the cost of gasoline throughout the country, it becomes relatively challenging for individuals to buy fuel for their vehicles consistently, which leads to less private car usage. In response to this tendency, it seems logical for people to make the use of public transports in their daily commutes. This, in turn, minimizes the traffic on roads, thereby improving the air quality.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedOne the one hand, raising the cost of fuel can be an effective method to address environmental issues.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedWhen the government enacts a law to increase the cost of gasoline nationwide, it becomes more challenging for individuals to afford fuel for their vehicles, leading to a decrease in private car usage.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedIn response to this, people may be encouraged to use public transport for their daily commutes.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear.

On the other hand, there are other ways that can be equally exceptional in terms of finding solutions to environmental problems, one of which is making people to use their private cars on certain weekdays. If workplaces encourage their employees to limit the use of their private cars to particular days in a week by establishing ground rules, or even giving them incentives, they may find it compelling to use bicycles for commuting to work to gain competitive edge in their office, which indirectly helps the government to solve environmental problems. Eventually, it benefits both individuals and the environment as a whole.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedOn the other hand, there are other equally effective methods, such as encouraging people to use public transport or abstaining from private car use on certain days.
The revised sentence is more general and can be applied to a wider range of situations.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedIf workplaces encourage employees to use public transport or alternative modes of transport on certain days, it can lead to a reduction in private car use, which in turn can help the government address environmental issues.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.

In conclusion, although increasing the cost of fuel is thought to be a promising way to solve several environmental problems such as less use of cars and improved air quality, I perceive that this can be alleviated more effectively by the government interventions and the workplaces’ initiatives

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions

Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOne the one hand, raising the cost of fuel can be an effective method to address environmental issues.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
RevisedOn the other hand, there are other equally effective methods, such as encouraging people to use public transport or abstaining from private car use on certain days.
The revised sentence is more general and can be applied to a wider range of situations.
RevisedIn conclusion, while raising fuel prices is seen as a promising solution to reduce car use and improve air quality, I believe that government intervention and workplace initiatives can be more effective.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. The majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few minor errors.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedWhen the government imposes a law to increase the cost of gasoline nationwide, it becomes relatively challenging for individuals to buy fuel for their vehicles consistently, which may lead to less private car usage.
The verb 'impose' should agree with the singular subject 'government', and the use of the word 'may' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedIn response to this, it seems logical for people to use public transport for their daily commutes.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedIf workplaces encourage their employees to use public transport or alternative modes of transport on certain days, it can lead to a reduction in private car use, which in turn can help the government address environmental issues.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.

Lexical resource

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedWhen the government enacts a law to increase the cost of gasoline nationwide, it becomes more challenging for individuals to afford fuel for their vehicles, leading to a decrease in private car usage.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear.
RevisedIn response to this, people may be encouraged to use public transport for their daily commutes.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear.
RevisedIf workplaces encourage employees to use public transport or alternative modes of transport on certain days, it can lead to a reduction in private car use, which in turn can help the government address environmental issues.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.

Task response

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more concise and focused.

Suggestions

Consider revising the introduction to make your position more clear and to directly address the task.

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