Poverty and crime: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
296 words. Marked by Axiom on 19 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2296 words
Some people believe that poverty is the main reason why people commit crimes, while others think that crime is caused by other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
i don’t think all of them are correctly because poverty might be reason for that.
Lexical resource
RevisedActually, some individuals believe that poverty is the primary reason for committing crime, while others think that there are different factors that contribute to criminal activity.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
And also you watched or heard about notorious criminals like Pablo Escobar. Most people know this person, he was one of the biggest criminals in Italy. Furthermore he has done lots of crimes. However most persons don’t know about his history , now I will tell you about him. He was good boy on childhood but he was poor and also he grows up in poor street. So that he entered the underworld. He worked as a drug saler over the Italy.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedMost of the time, crime is committed by people who are poor, like unemployment.
The original sentence was unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a clearer and more grammatically accurate expression of the idea.
And then he developed his condition. Another reason for that, almost all people growth the drug in Afganistan. There is one question why it is crime? I know the answer because their government is not good and they have not revolutionary so all people growth drugs to earn money. On another hand it is good work to earns easy lots of money. All of them are causes which some people think correctly about that.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnd then they will sell the drugs to countries like Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, or Russia.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and grammatically accurate expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnd their resistance is poor.
The revised sentence provides a grammatically accurate and clearer expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedAnd you can see that there are harsher crimes all over the world, not just in Afghanistan.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more natural expression of the idea.
You can say, no that type of people always don’t commit that surt of crime, yes that’s right but now days I only hear or watch about that. For example you heard some poverty people attact to the white house where located in the US for money. This reason for that.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn conclusion, I completely agree with the latter perspective.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more natural expression of the idea.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized with clear progression of ideas. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMost of the time, crime is committed by people who are poor, like unemployment.
The original sentence was unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a clearer and more grammatically accurate expression of the idea.
RevisedAnd then they will sell the drugs to countries like Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, or Russia.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and grammatically accurate expression of the idea.
RevisedAnd their resistance is poor.
The revised sentence provides a grammatically accurate and clearer expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that hinder understanding.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMost of the time, crime is committed by people who are poor, like unemployment.
The original sentence was grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a grammatically accurate expression of the idea.
RevisedAnd then they will sell the drugs to countries like Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, or Russia.
The revised sentence is grammatically accurate and provides a clearer expression of the idea.
RevisedAnd their resistance is poor.
The revised sentence is grammatically accurate and provides a clearer expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use a range of vocabulary. However, there are several instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedActually, some individuals believe that poverty is the primary reason for committing crime, while others think that there are different factors that contribute to criminal activity.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedAnd you can see that there are harsher crimes all over the world, not just in Afghanistan.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more natural expression of the idea.
RevisedIn conclusion, I completely agree with the latter perspective.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more natural expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument and support it with specific examples.
Check your own essay on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.
Check an essay free