Poverty and crime: IELTS Task 2 essay #6, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
256 words. Marked by Axiom on 19 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2256 words
Some people believe that poverty is the main reason why people commit crimes, while others think that crime is caused by other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedActually, some individuals think that the main reason why people commit crimes is financial problems, while others believe that crime is caused by other factors.
The sentence contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. The revised version is more accurate and natural.
I am partly agree with this view. That is why offences has increased dramatically. In there most of people do not work nowhere and they have to do a lot of types of crime. Druglifting although popular in there. Many groups sold it around the country for a good value. Not only in Africa but also Brazil, Afganistan and other countries’ government can not solve this problem.
Lexical resource
RevisedNowadays, poverty is one of the big problems in the world.
The sentence is not complete and lacks clarity. The revised version includes the necessary verb to make it a complete sentence.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor instance, poverty is a global problem in Africa.
The sentence is not well-structured and lacks clarity. The revised version provides a clear and concise statement.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAfrica has beautiful scenery, forests, and one of the famous deserts, the Sahara. Many tourists visit Africa, and in this moment, some inhabitants rob others of their smartphones, money, and engage in shoplifting.
The sentence contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. The revised version is more accurate and natural.
In the 21st century cybercrime is one of the dangerous crimes in Uzbekistan. They damaged bank system and stoled money. Governments should solve this problem and give them long time prison sentences.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, there are other factors that why people commit crimes.
The sentence is not well-structured and lacks clarity. The correct form should be 'there are other factors why'.
Lexical resource
RevisedJuvenile crimes are on the rise day by day.
The sentence contains a spelling error and is not well-structured. The revised version is more accurate and natural.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis type of crime is committed among adults, approximately 17 or 18 years old.
The sentence is not well-structured and lacks clarity. The revised version is more accurate and natural.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThese types of crimes are not only common due to poverty but also due to a lack of education.
The sentence is not well-structured and lacks clarity. The correct form should be 'are common due to'.
Poverty and less of education that is why it appears
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while I agree with this opinion, I also believe that providing children with a good education and upbringing can prevent future crimes.
The sentence is not well-structured and lacks clarity. The revised version provides a clear and concise conclusion.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's position.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the other hand, there are other factors that why people commit crimes.
The sentence is not well-structured and lacks clarity. The correct form should be 'there are other factors why'.
RevisedThese types of crimes are not only common due to poverty but also due to a lack of education.
The sentence is not well-structured and lacks clarity. The correct form should be 'are common due to'.
RevisedIn conclusion, while I agree with this opinion, I also believe that providing children with a good education and upbringing can prevent future crimes.
The sentence is not well-structured and lacks clarity. The revised version provides a clear and concise conclusion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies in the text. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures and generally follows the rules of grammar. However, there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies that can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures could be improved.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedActually, some individuals think that the main reason why people commit crimes is financial problems, while others believe that crime is caused by other factors.
The sentence contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. The revised version is more accurate and natural.
RevisedAfrica has beautiful scenery, forests, and one of the famous deserts, the Sahara. Many tourists visit Africa, and in this moment, some inhabitants rob others of their smartphones, money, and engage in shoplifting.
The sentence contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. The revised version is more accurate and natural.
RevisedThis type of crime is committed among adults, approximately 17 or 18 years old.
The sentence is not well-structured and lacks clarity. The revised version is more accurate and natural.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be improved.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedNowadays, poverty is one of the big problems in the world.
The sentence is not complete and lacks clarity. The revised version includes the necessary verb to make it a complete sentence.
RevisedFor instance, poverty is a global problem in Africa.
The sentence is not well-structured and lacks clarity. The revised version provides a clear and concise statement.
RevisedJuvenile crimes are on the rise day by day.
The sentence contains a spelling error and is not well-structured. The revised version is more accurate and natural.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the supporting examples could be more specific and relevant. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's position.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your position.
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