Poverty and crime: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 6.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

310 words. Marked by Axiom on 19 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2310 words

Some people believe that poverty is the main reason why people commit crimes, while others think that crime is caused by other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is an ongoing debate about what is the main factor of committing crime rates. Some people believe that the poverty mostly lead to people to crime, while others argue that there should be more serious reasons. Even though, the poverty can cause to crime to some extent, I do not completely agree with this view and also I also discuss my opinion with examples.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedAlthough poverty can lead to crime to some extent, I do not completely agree with this view and will discuss my opinion with examples.
The sentence is a bit confusing and repetitive. It could be revised for clarity and conciseness.

The poverty could be one of the main reasons why people often forced to commit crime. Because of in this modern world, living cost is increasingly high, especially in larger cities, we can witness to high housing prices, important facilities that people should use such as education and healthcare also require a lot of money. Therefore, people should be financially independent, however, if their job opportunities do not enough to tackle with daily expenses, they might force to commit a crime. For example, thefts, scams and frauds are mainly originated from high financial pressure and poverty. So that, even people do not to want commit to crimes, they might choose to earn money in easier way.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedPoverty could be one of the main reasons why people are often forced to commit crime.
The use of 'the poverty' is not grammatically correct in this context. 'Poverty' should be used without 'the'.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedTherefore, people should strive for financial independence, but if their job opportunities are not enough to cover their daily expenses, they might be forced to commit crime.
The sentence is a bit long and the use of 'however' is not entirely appropriate in this context. The revised sentence is more concise and uses 'but' instead of 'however' to show contrast.

On the other hand, the poverty cannot be the main reason because it is clear that even people who have not financial problems may tend to commit crimes. If the person’s environment is not great such as their families or friends, it can cause to crime easily. In addition, there are more serious crimes that only be happen by people who grew up in bad environment and situations. They usually tend to commit a crime since they simply do not to want make effort.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedOn the other hand, poverty cannot be the main reason, as it is clear that even people without financial problems may tend to commit crimes.
The structure 'the poverty' is not grammatically correct in this context. 'Poverty' should be used without 'the'. Additionally, the phrase 'not financial problems' is awkward. The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct form 'without financial problems'.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedIf a person's environment, such as their family or friends, is not positive, it can lead to crime.
The phrase 'it can cause to crime' is not idiomatic. The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct collocation 'lead to crime'.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThey may commit crimes as they often do not want to put in the effort.
The original sentence is awkward and uses incorrect verb forms. The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct verb form 'put in'.

In conclusion, although it is believed by many people that the poverty is usually cause to crime, I strongly believe that the people’s surroundings are can more cause. That means the most important thing is that we can care about is the person’s behavior

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn conclusion, although poverty is believed by many to be a cause of crime, I strongly believe that people's surroundings can be a greater cause.
The sentence is a bit confusing and the use of 'usually cause to' is not grammatically correct. The revised sentence is more concise and uses 'be a cause of' which is the correct form.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedThis means that the most important thing we can do is to care about the person’s behavior.
The original sentence is unclear and ungrammatical. The revised sentence is more concise and uses the correct form 'care about'.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the progression of ideas a bit difficult to follow. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's position.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to clearly state your position in the conclusion and summarize the main points.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedAlthough poverty can lead to crime to some extent, I do not completely agree with this view and will discuss my opinion with examples.
The sentence is a bit confusing and repetitive. It could be revised for clarity and conciseness.
RevisedTherefore, people should strive for financial independence, but if their job opportunities are not enough to cover their daily expenses, they might be forced to commit crime.
The sentence is a bit long and the use of 'however' is not entirely appropriate in this context. The revised sentence is more concise and uses 'but' instead of 'however' to show contrast.
RevisedIn conclusion, although poverty is believed by many to be a cause of crime, I strongly believe that people's surroundings can be a greater cause.
The sentence is a bit confusing and the use of 'usually cause to' is not grammatically correct. The revised sentence is more concise and uses 'be a cause of' which is the correct form.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are some sentences that are unclear or ungrammatical. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds some variety and interest to the writing. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can hinder understanding. Proofreading is recommended to catch and correct these errors, as well as to ensure that the essay is clear, concise, and grammatically consistent.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOn the other hand, poverty cannot be the main reason, as it is clear that even people without financial problems may tend to commit crimes.
The structure 'the poverty' is not grammatically correct in this context. 'Poverty' should be used without 'the'. Additionally, the phrase 'not financial problems' is awkward. The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct form 'without financial problems'.
RevisedIf a person's environment, such as their family or friends, is not positive, it can lead to crime.
The original sentence is unclear and ungrammatical. The revised sentence is more concise and uses the correct collocation 'lead to crime'.
RevisedThis means that the most important thing we can do is to care about the person’s behavior.
The original sentence is unclear and ungrammatical. The revised sentence is more concise and uses the correct form 'care about'.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedPoverty could be one of the main reasons why people are often forced to commit crime.
The use of 'the poverty' is not grammatically correct in this context. 'Poverty' should be used without 'the'.
RevisedIf a person's environment, such as their family or friends, is not positive, it can lead to crime.
The phrase 'it can cause to crime' is not idiomatic. The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct collocation 'lead to crime'.
RevisedThey may commit crimes as they often do not want to put in the effort.
The original sentence is awkward and uses incorrect verb forms. The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct verb form 'put in'.

Task response

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the debate around the causes of crime, specifically whether poverty is the main factor or if there are other, more significant reasons. The writer presents a clear position, stating that while poverty can be a factor, they do not completely agree with this view and provide examples to support their opinion. However, the argument could be further developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the factors that contribute to crime.

Suggestions

Include more specific examples to support your argument.
Develop your analysis more fully to provide a deeper understanding of the factors that contribute to crime.

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