Poverty and crime: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
231 words. Marked by Axiom on 19 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2231 words
Some people believe that poverty is the main reason why people commit crimes, while others think that crime is caused by other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an ongoing debate about individuals commit crimes because of poverty although some believe that there are several other factors which cause a crime.
Lexical resource
RevisedCrimes are often committed by individuals due to a lack of knowledge and poor family conditions.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.
In these human beings have an intention that to get more money or to become a wealthy. In several poor countries, for instance, crime rate is increasing significantly among residents who have to live in poverty.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn today's modern world, it is true that a significant number of people commit crimes due to a lack of opportunities for improving their quality of life.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate representation of the writer's intended meaning.
Lexical resource
RevisedSometimes, we observe certain offenses, such as shoplifting and pickpocketing, taking place in public areas.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise, which is more suitable for an academic essay.
One of the main factors is that a lack of knowledge. Today, many juvenile crimes such as drug trafficking and vandalism are committed by young people who are unaware of the consequences in the end. Some children live in broken homes and suffer from the relationship between their parents.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedNevertheless, there are other factors that can lead to criminal behavior.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more appropriate term to refer to individuals who commit crimes.
Lexical resource
RevisedAnother significant contributing factor could be poor family dynamics.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more appropriate term to refer to family relationships.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedA lack of parental kindness and attention can ultimately lead children to offend.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and makes the structure of the sentence more formal and academic.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while poverty is often cited as the main reason for crime, I believe there are other factors, such as lack of awareness of consequences and poor family conditions, that also play a significant role.
The revised sentence is more concise and clearly states the writer's position.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's position.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn today's modern world, it is true that a significant number of people commit crimes due to a lack of opportunities for improving their quality of life.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate representation of the writer's intended meaning.
RevisedNevertheless, there are other factors that can lead to criminal behavior.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more appropriate term to refer to individuals who commit crimes.
RevisedIn conclusion, while poverty is often cited as the main reason for crime, I believe there are other factors, such as lack of awareness of consequences and poor family conditions, that also play a significant role.
The revised sentence is more concise and clearly states the writer's position.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures with a high level of accuracy. There are a few minor errors, but these do not significantly detract from the overall clarity of the writing. To further improve, the writer could focus on ensuring grammatical accuracy in all sentences and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn today's modern world, it is true that many people commit crimes due to a lack of opportunities to improve their quality of life.
The revised sentence corrects the placement of the verb 'is' and makes the structure of the sentence more formal and academic.
RevisedSometimes, we can observe certain offenses, such as shoplifting and pickpocketing, taking place in public areas.
The revised sentence corrects the informal tone and makes the structure of the sentence more formal and academic.
RevisedA lack of parental kindness and attention can ultimately lead children to offend.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and makes the structure of the sentence more formal and academic.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedCrimes are often committed by individuals due to a lack of knowledge and poor family conditions.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.
RevisedSometimes, we observe certain offenses, such as shoplifting and pickpocketing, taking place in public areas.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise, which is more suitable for an academic essay.
RevisedAnother significant contributing factor could be poor family dynamics.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more appropriate term to refer to family relationships.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the debate surrounding the causes of crime and providing a clear personal stance. The writer presents a well-developed argument that considers multiple perspectives and provides relevant examples to support their points. However, the essay could be strengthened by providing a more detailed exploration of the counterarguments and offering a more nuanced conclusion.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with specific examples.
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