Poverty and crime: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
272 words. Marked by Axiom on 19 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2272 words
Some people believe that poverty is the main reason why people commit crimes, while others think that crime is caused by other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I have a balanced view about this topic because not only poverty plays a main role about this statement.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThere is an ongoing debate, with many individuals believing that poor living conditions are the key reason why people commit crimes, while others think that crime is caused by other important factors.
The use of the article 'a' is incorrect in the phrase 'there is a ongoing debate'. The correct form is 'there is an ongoing debate'. The verb 'is' should agree with the plural subject 'poor living conditions', so the verb should be 'are' instead of 'is'. The phrase 'why people combat crimes' is awkward and the verb 'combat' is not appropriate in this context. A more suitable verb would be 'commit'.
In that case they are forced to steal money or food products from shops.
Lexical resource
RevisedOn the one hand, one of the main reasons why people commit crimes is that their families are in need of money to live.
The sentence is unclear and the use of 'crimes' instead of 'crime' is a typographical error. The phrase 'their close family members need money to live' is awkward and unclear. The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate language.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn countries like Africa, Pakistan, and Indonesia, many people live in the streets under poor conditions.
The original phrasing is awkward and unclear. The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate language.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn these countries, many families do not have the resources to provide proper care and food for their children.
The original sentence is unclear and the phrasing is awkward. The revised sentence provides more context and is more precise.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf the government improves living conditions and provides financial support, it can help reduce the crime rate.
The verb form after 'if' should be the base form. The phrase 'living condition' should be 'living conditions'. The verb 'investigate' is not appropriate in this context and should be replaced with 'provides'.
Firstly, some teenagers commit a crime because of peer pressure. Some repeated offenders can threat juveniles with guns, knives or just strong words related to their families. If there are some problems in their families, and their parents give pressure to improve their bad behaviors. After that, they can be criminal by strong desire and stressful thoughts about society and their parents.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, there are other factors that can contribute to criminal behavior.
The phrase 'combat a crime' is not idiomatic. It should be 'contribute to criminal behavior'.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSecondly, social inequality and exploitation can negatively affect people’s well-being.
The word 'explosion' is not appropriate in this context. The correct word should be 'exploitation'.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThese are underlying causes that need to be addressed through rehabilitation programs in every area.
The sentence is unclear and the meaning is not well expressed. A more precise wording is needed.
As I said before, there are numerous crucial causes to commit a crime in every part of whole world.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while poverty can have a negative effect on our society, it is not the only reason for committing crimes.
The original sentence is unclear and the meaning is not well expressed. A more precise wording is needed.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the balanced view.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the other hand, there are other factors that can contribute to criminal behavior.
The phrase 'combat a crime' is not idiomatic. It should be 'contribute to criminal behavior'.
RevisedThese are underlying causes that need to be addressed through rehabilitation programs in every area.
The sentence is unclear and the meaning is not well expressed. A more precise wording is needed.
RevisedIn conclusion, while poverty can have a negative effect on our society, it is not the only reason for committing crimes.
The original sentence is unclear and the meaning is not well expressed. A more precise wording is needed.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage. The essay uses a variety of complex and simple sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are grammatically correct. However, there are a few minor errors in agreement and word form that could be revised for clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThere is an ongoing debate, with many individuals believing that poor living conditions are the key reason why people commit crimes, while others think that crime is caused by other important factors.
The use of the article 'a' is incorrect in the phrase 'there is a ongoing debate'. The correct form is 'there is an ongoing debate'. The verb 'is' should agree with the plural subject 'poor living conditions', so the verb should be 'are' instead of 'is'. The phrase 'why people combat crimes' is awkward and the verb 'combat' is not appropriate in this context. A more suitable verb would be 'commit'.
RevisedIn these countries, many families do not have the resources to provide proper care and food for their children.
The original sentence is unclear and the phrasing is awkward. The revised sentence provides more context and is more precise.
RevisedSecondly, social inequality and exploitation can negatively affect people’s well-being.
The word 'explosion' is not appropriate in this context. The correct word should be 'exploitation'.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, one of the main reasons why people commit crimes is that their families are in need of money to live.
The sentence is unclear and the use of 'crimes' instead of 'crime' is a typographical error. The phrase 'their close family members need money to live' is awkward and unclear. The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate language.
RevisedIn countries like Africa, Pakistan, and Indonesia, many people live in the streets under poor conditions.
The original phrasing is awkward and unclear. The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate language.
RevisedIf the government improves living conditions and provides financial support, it can help reduce the crime rate.
The verb form after 'if' should be the base form. The phrase 'living condition' should be 'living conditions'. The verb 'investigate' is not appropriate in this context and should be replaced with 'provides'.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a balanced view. The writer's position is clear, and the essay is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the issue. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places, and the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and restating the position.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide sufficient support for your position.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your position.
Check your own essay on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.
Check an essay free