A new international language: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
382 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 September 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2382 words
Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?
In recent years, international communication has become crucial. Some people are of the opinion that a new language should be invented to carry out worldwide communication. While there are some advantages to this practice, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits.
It is true that when a person migrates to another country, they may have some conflicts with locals due to language differences. Should a new language be established, it would be straightforward for such people to communicate with one another. This is because, in those events, people are usually in need of translators to express themselves fully, which can take more time. For this reason, a new language can help those people to have a seamless conversation, saving them invaluable time.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe primary advantage of adopting a new universal language is that it could mitigate language-related issues between local people and migrants.
The revision provides a more precise and formal phrasing.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFurthermore, the presence of a universally spoken language could significantly reduce the language barriers, making international conferences and business meetings more efficient.
The revision provides a more formal and academic phrasing.
However, I believe the invention of a new language has more downsides in comparison to the upsides. Firstly, developing a new language is tricky. All languages in existence today formed in history in different communities, which was a natural process. Secondly, the process of creating a new language would demand a fortune since a lot of professional linguists can be required to make the language properly for everybody to grasp. Time to acquire a new language can be another headache for learners.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf there are endeavors to create a new language, it could pose significant challenges for the linguists involved.
The revision provides a more precise and formal phrasing.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe young may be willing to invest numerous hours in learning the language, while the elderly might feel reluctant due to time constraints and age-related factors.
The revision provides a more concise and clear phrasing.
Nevertheless, I believe the drawbacks of a new language weigh more because it is a challenging task to invent a new language, and the procedure can be costly. In addition, not everybody, especially older individuals, may not be ready to learn a new language because of their age and the time to learn that language.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the establishment of a universal language could potentially resolve communication issues between migrants and local people, and streamline international meetings.
The revision provides a more formal and academic phrasing.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. "Besides that, thanks to the existence of a universally spoken language, international conferences along with business meetings can be hassle-free." - The phrase "Besides that" is slightly informal and may not fit well in an academic context. "In conclusion, via a universal language in the world, the communication problems between migrants and local people can be reduced, and international meetings can be conducted smoothly." - The phrase "via a universal language in the world" is a bit awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
Suggestions
- Try to use more formal and academic language throughout the essay.
- Ensure that all sentences are clear and well-structured.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedFurthermore, the presence of a universally spoken language could significantly reduce the language barriers, making international conferences and business meetings more efficient.
The revision provides a more formal and academic phrasing.
RevisedIn conclusion, the establishment of a universal language could potentially resolve communication issues between migrants and local people, and streamline international meetings.
The revision provides a more formal and academic phrasing.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be more concise and clear. "The young can be ready to invest a number of hours in the acquisition of the language, while the elderly will probably feel reluctant to learn it because of time and age." - The phrase "The young can be ready to invest a number of hours" is a bit awkward and could be more concise. "In conclusion, via a universal language in the world, the communication problems between migrants and local people can be reduced, and international meetings can be conducted smoothly." - The phrase "via a universal language in the world" is a bit awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe young may be willing to invest numerous hours in learning the language, while the elderly might feel reluctant due to time constraints and age-related factors.
The revision provides a more concise and clear phrasing.
RevisedIn conclusion, a universal language could potentially resolve communication issues between migrants and local people, and facilitate smoother international meetings.
The revision provides a more concise and clear phrasing.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. "The first benefit of having a new universal language is that language-related problems can be reduced between local people and migrants." - The phrase "language-related problems" is a bit vague and could be more specific. "If there are efforts to invent a new language, it can be a real challenge for those who are responsible for it." - The phrase "it can be a real challenge for those who are responsible for it" is too vague and could be more specific.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe primary advantage of adopting a new universal language is that it could mitigate language-related issues between local people and migrants.
The revision provides a more precise and formal phrasing.
RevisedIf there are endeavors to create a new language, it could pose significant challenges for the linguists involved.
The revision provides a more precise and formal phrasing.
Task response
Band 9.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the potential advantages of a new language. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support its arguments. For instance, it could provide examples of countries where a common language has facilitated communication between migrants and locals. Additionally, the essay could provide more specific examples to support its arguments. For instance, it could provide examples of situations where a common language has facilitated communication between migrants and locals.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
Check your own essay on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.
Check an essay free