Negative news in the media: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
296 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2296 words
The tendency for news reports in the media to focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individual and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement
In the media, disproportionate amounts of negative developments such as crime, natural disasters, or terrorist attacks receive more attention compared to positive news. This has raised concerns about its certain harmful effects on people and society as a whole. While i understand the concern above, i believe it might be an overreaction.
As media can have a significant impact on people's perceptions and emotions, the constant exposure to negative news can distort the reality for many people. For example, during the Covid-19 pandemic, the level of panic among the population showed us how people are vulnerable to negative news, even if it comes from unreliable sources.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe media's focus on negative news, such as crime, natural disasters, or terrorist attacks, can have a detrimental impact on people's mental health, leading to increased anxiety in the public.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the main idea.
Firstly, this has been continuing for so long that people have come to realize focusing too much on bad news is nothing more than a media stunt.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, I believe that the concern about media's focus on negative news is an overstatement.
The revised sentence is more concise and direct.
Lexical resource
RevisedAdditionally, the public's inherent fascination with negativity may lead media outlets to sensationalize bad news for more attention.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.
In addition, nowadays, people have more control over what news they consume thanks to the widespread adaptation of smartphones and the internet. Some mobile apps and websites allow users to subscribe to specific topics of interest and follow more credible courses.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis suggests that people's ability to filter news may lead to more adverse effects than often acknowledged.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while some may be concerned about the media's focus on negative news, I believe that this is more of an enhancement, as people can maintain control over their news consumption.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the thesis statement could be more clearly defined. The body paragraphs each focus on a single idea, but the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Consider using more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe media's focus on negative news, such as crime, natural disasters, or terrorist attacks, can have a detrimental impact on people's mental health, leading to increased anxiety in the public.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the main idea.
RevisedHowever, I believe that the concern about media's focus on negative news is an overstatement.
The revised sentence is more concise and direct.
RevisedIn conclusion, while some may be concerned about the media's focus on negative news, I believe that this is more of an enhancement, as people can maintain control over their news consumption.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of complex sentence structures and a variety of grammatical forms. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. For example, "the media coverage of bad news, one of the negative influences on people's physiological health, can create widespread anxiety among the public" could be rephrased for clarity. Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and sentence structure, but there are a few areas for improvement in terms of accuracy and clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedDisproportionate amounts of negative developments such as crime, natural disasters, or terrorist attacks receive more attention in the media compared to positive news.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the sentence structure.
RevisedAdditionally, the public's intrinsic fascination with negativity may lead media outlets to sensationalize bad news for more attention.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the sentence structure.
RevisedThis suggests that the ability to filter news may result in people being more adversely affected than is often claimed.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the sentence structure.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "the intrinsic behavior of people in negativity may trigger media outlets to sensationalize bad news for attention" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity. Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of academic language, but there are a few areas for improvement in terms of word choice and expression.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe media's coverage of negative news, which can have adverse effects on people's mental health, can create widespread anxiety among the public.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.
RevisedAdditionally, the public's inherent fascination with negativity may lead media outlets to sensationalize bad news for more attention.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.
RevisedThis suggests that people's ability to filter news may lead to more adverse effects than often acknowledged.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the impact of media's focus on negative news and providing a counterargument. The writer's position is clear, and the essay is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the topic. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Make sure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.
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