Negative news in the media: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
352 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2352 words
The tendency for news reports in the media to focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individual and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement
Today, in many corners of the world negative developments such as crime, natural disasters, or terrorist attacks often claimed an excessive amount of media attention compared to positive news. While this has created a concern among the public, who claim that this as a harmful effect to the people let alone community. I personally believe that the concern might be overreaction to fake sources.
One of the main negative effects of media coverage of bad news is that it can create an unnecessary fear among the public. As a media reports bad news in a daily basis including disasters and so on, these sources can actually create an anxiety especially for elderly ones like old people who are really vulnerable to this. Moreover, this can be proven by COVID-19 pandemic showed us how people immediately got flabbergasted after the reports, even it comes from an unreliable source it can create panic among the population.
However, in my opinion, constant media coverage of bad news can bring about several dangers for everyone. For example social media outlets have been sharing news for a long time and any unreliable information can involve public outrage among the community. This practice can be proven by country France when they had scandals about the over fuel taxes and economic inequality, meaning media companies should not share everything openly.
In addition, with the widespread adaptation of smartphones and the internet, people now have greater access to social media platforms than the outlets they receive. Some mobile apps and websites allow individuals to subscribe to follow upcoming new even some privacy ones. While people behind those platforms earn money for providing unique news, the readers can have significant impact on their perceptions and emotions. The constant exposure to bad news can change their character and habits which has negative consequences in the future.
In conclusion, the concern regarding the effects of bad news on the media mainly due to the news that they report to vulnerable people. However, media platforms should be more careful to what they provide and the only reliable sources must be shared to the public
No passages are highlighted in this essay.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of linking words. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in its overall coherence. However, the use of linking words and cohesive devices could be improved to better guide the reader through your argument. Additionally, the connection between some ideas within paragraphs could be made clearer to enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Make sure that your ideas are logically ordered and that the connection between them is clear.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedToday, in many parts of the world, negative developments such as crime, natural disasters, or terrorist attacks often receive more media attention than positive news.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
RevisedOne significant negative effect of media coverage of bad news is the unnecessary fear it can instill in the public.
The revised sentence is more direct and uses a more formal tone.
RevisedHowever, I believe that the constant media coverage of bad news can pose several dangers for everyone.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. Your essay displays a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be addressed to improve clarity and readability. For example, in the sentence "As a media reports bad news in a daily basis including disasters and so on," the article "a" before "media" is incorrect, and the phrase "in a daily basis" should be "on a daily basis." Correcting these errors and focusing on using a variety of sentence structures more effectively could help to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs media outlets report bad news on a daily basis, including stories of disasters and other negative events, they can instill anxiety, especially in vulnerable populations like the elderly.
The revised sentence corrects the article error and the awkward phrasing.
RevisedMoreover, the COVID-19 pandemic is a prime example of how people can become panicked even by unverified reports, highlighting the need for reliable news.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and uses more formal and precise language.
RevisedIn conclusion, the concern regarding the negative effects of media coverage on the public, especially those who are more vulnerable, is well-founded.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and uses more formal and precise language.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. You demonstrate a good command of a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "media coverage," "bad news," and "public outrage." However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be refined to improve the overall effectiveness of your word choice. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to more clearly convey your arguments and engage the reader.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne of the primary detrimental effects of media coverage of bad news is that it can instigate an unwarranted fear among the public.
The revised sentence uses more formal and precise language.
RevisedThis is exemplified in France, where scandals related to fuel taxes and economic inequality have led to public outrage, highlighting the need for media companies to exercise more discretion in what they share.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and uses more formal and precise language.
RevisedConstant exposure to bad news can significantly alter their character and habits, leading to potential negative consequences in the future.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise, and uses more varied language.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective. You have clearly addressed the prompt by discussing the harmful effects of media's focus on negative news and your belief that the concern may be an overreaction. Your position is well-supported by relevant examples and a clear understanding of the topic. However, the essay could be further improved by providing a more detailed exploration of potential counterarguments and a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your position more strongly.
Suggestions
- Consider summarizing your main points and reinforcing your position more strongly in the conclusion.
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