Looking for life on other planets: IELTS Task 2 essay #11, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
305 words. Marked by Axiom on 19 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2305 words
Some people want governments to spend money on other plants to look for life. Others believe that it is a waste of public money when there are many unsolved problems on Earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
There is a debate over whether investing in space programs is a waste of money. While some believe that channelling public funds into these programs yields positive results, I side with those who argue that, given the existing problems on Earth, these programs should not receive any government funding.
They believe it is crucial to find another habitable planet to ensure the survival of the human race, given the threats of climate change, nuclear war, and overpopulation. Additionally, space research has led to many technological breakthroughs that benefit everyday life. For example, the miniaturization of technology for space missions has resulted in the development of portable medical devices like insulin pumps. Other advancements, such as improved water purification systems and enhanced materials for various industries, also stem from space exploration efforts.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe proponents of space exploration argue that the potential benefits justify the investment.
Adding the article 'the' makes the sentence more specific and easier to understand.
One relates to the ethical aspect of the situation. This is especially unacceptable in countries like India, where millions of people lack access to basic necessities. Furthermore, space exploration has not yielded any tangible results since the moon landings.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAlthough these arguments are compelling, the counterarguments carry more weight.
The revised sentence provides a clearer contrast between the two sets of arguments.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedInvesting billions of dollars into space programs is unjustifiable when millions of people are suffering from malnourishment or living below the poverty line.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe lives of ordinary people have not improved in any meaningful way, so the exploration of space, with its lofty goal of improving people’s lives, seems to be counterproductive.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and uses the term 'counterproductive' more accurately.
Lexical resource
RevisedThese substantial funds could be more effectively allocated to areas such as education, public healthcare, and infrastructure.
The revised sentence uses more formal and precise language.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the valuable insights and technologies that space exploration can provide, I believe that it is a poor use of taxpayer money to invest in it when millions of people lack fundamental necessities.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the writer's position.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Ensure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe proponents of space exploration argue that the potential benefits justify the investment.
Adding the article 'the' makes the sentence more specific and easier to understand.
RevisedAlthough these arguments are compelling, the counterarguments carry more weight.
The revised sentence provides a clearer contrast between the two sets of arguments.
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the valuable insights and technologies that space exploration can provide, I believe that it is a poor use of taxpayer money to invest in it when millions of people lack fundamental necessities.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the writer's position.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few minor errors, but they do not impede communication.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhile the argument is not without merit, it is important to consider the potential long-term benefits of space exploration.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses a more appropriate conjunction.
RevisedInvesting billions of dollars into space programs is unjustifiable when millions of people are suffering from malnourishment or living below the poverty line.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedThe lives of ordinary people have not improved in any meaningful way, so the exploration of space, with the lofty goal of improving people’s lives, seems to be counterproductive.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and uses the term 'counterproductive' more accurately.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe lives of ordinary people have not improved in any meaningful way, so the exploration of space, with its lofty goal of improving people’s lives, seems to be counterproductive.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and uses the term 'counterproductive' more accurately.
RevisedThese substantial funds could be more effectively allocated to areas such as education, public healthcare, and infrastructure.
The revised sentence uses more formal and precise language.
RevisedThe miniaturization of technology for space missions has led to the development of portable medical devices such as insulin pumps.
The revised sentence is more accurate and natural.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task fully and presents a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be improved to better introduce the topic and the writer's position.
Suggestions
- Consider rephrasing the introduction to make the topic and your position more clear.
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