Diet, exercise and a long life: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
372 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2372 words
Some people say a good diet and regular exercise are not necessary for a long and healthy life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a view that the consumption of a good diet and exercising regularly are unimportant for a long and healthy life. While I acknowledge that a good diet and regular exercise are important for a healthy lifestyle but they are not sufficient on their own for longevity, i firmly believe that job satisfaction and better environment are more necessary for longevity.
Exercising regularly may improve significantly individuals' well-being. People hitting the gym quite often may improve their physical conditions with certain exercises, such as running or weightlifting. A healthy diet may also play a significant role in maintaining a healthy lifestyle because it contains supplements and essential nutrients, which are beneficial for people's health. As a result, because of exercising regularly and eating nutrious foods can improve individuals' life and health but they can not guarantee longevity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThese exercises are important for people's overall health because they allow for more physical movement, as opposed to leading a sedentary lifestyle, which is becoming increasingly common in many countries.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedHowever, job satisfaction plays a significant role in longevity. People working in stressful or low-paid jobs may experience more health complications. For example, individuals with low-income backgrounds may struggle to provide their families with daily necessities, leading to financial insecurity and chronic stress. This, in turn, can exacerbate individuals' anxiety and stress, leading to health issues. Over time, prolonged stress may negatively affect both mental and physical health, suggesting that a healthy diet and regular exercise alone may not be sufficient for a long and healthy life.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation of the relationship between job satisfaction, stress, and health.
People, who have a strong sense of beloning to their families and the loved ones, may face less difficulties with interactions, reducing the risk of stress and anxiety. Close relationships can also mitigate the effects of loneliness and give a greater sense of purpose.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedMoreover, a supportive environment can also contribute to people's well-being.
The use of 'Moreover' improves the transition between ideas that are closely related.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs a result, eating nutritious foods and exercising regularly may not provide individuals with a reduced risk of loneliness and overall health.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, although a balanced diet and regular exercise are important for a healthier lifestyle, I maintain that job satisfaction and a supportive environment play a more significant role in longevity. These factors contribute to the overall quality of life and can potentially lead to greater longevity.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise summary of the essay's argument, improving the overall coherence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the writer's position, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The use of examples to support each point is effective, but the reader may need to read carefully to follow the argument. More explicit linking phrases would help to make the argument more cohesive. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the other hand, job satisfaction plays a significant role in longevity.
The addition of 'On the other hand' improves the transition between contrasting ideas.
RevisedMoreover, a supportive environment can also contribute to people's well-being.
The use of 'Moreover' improves the transition between ideas that are closely related.
RevisedIn conclusion, although a balanced diet and regular exercise are important for a healthier lifestyle, I maintain that job satisfaction and a supportive environment play a more significant role in longevity. These factors contribute to the overall quality of life and can potentially lead to greater longevity.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise summary of the essay's argument, improving the overall coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity. For example, the phrase "i firmly believe that job satisfaction and better environment are more necessary for longevity" should be revised to "I firmly believe that job satisfaction and a better environment are more necessary for longevity," and the phrase "These exercises are important for people's overall health because people devote more time to physical movement, instead of spending on sedendary lifestyle, which is becoming increasinly common in many countries" should be revised for clarity and conciseness.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThese exercises are important for people's overall health because they allow for more physical movement, as opposed to leading a sedentary lifestyle, which is becoming increasingly common in many countries.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the idea.
RevisedOverall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of academic language, although minor errors in word choice and spelling detract from the overall quality.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation of the essay's language use.
RevisedHowever, job satisfaction plays a significant role in longevity. People working in stressful or low-paid jobs may experience more health complications. For example, individuals with low-income backgrounds may struggle to provide their families with daily necessities, leading to financial insecurity and chronic stress. This, in turn, can exacerbate individuals' anxiety and stress, leading to health issues. Over time, prolonged stress may negatively affect both mental and physical health, suggesting that a healthy diet and regular exercise alone may not be sufficient for a long and healthy life.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation of the relationship between job satisfaction, stress, and health.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, the phrase "chronic stess" should be corrected to "chronic stress," and the phrase "reducing the risk of loneliness and a healthy life" should be rephrased for clarity. Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of academic language, but minor errors in word choice and spelling detract from the overall quality.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThese problems may exacerbate individuals' anxiety and stress, leading to health complications.
The word 'complications' is a more precise term to use in this context.
RevisedAs a result, eating nutritious foods and exercising regularly may not provide individuals with a reduced risk of loneliness and overall health.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the idea.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the importance of job satisfaction and a supportive environment for longevity, in addition to a good diet and regular exercise. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide sufficient support for your position.
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