Diet, exercise and a long life: IELTS Task 2 essay #6, band 7.5

There is a view that a proper nourishment and regular exercise are not important for long-term healthy life. I fully disagree with this notion since a good diet often helps people avoid from junk food items, potentially preventing them from certain health-related problems. I also believe that doing both mental and physical exercises are essential for people’ overall well-being.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedI also believe that engaging in both mental and physical exercises is essential for people's overall well-being.

   The subject of the verb 'believe' is singular, so the singular form 'is' should be used. Additionally, the possessive form 'people's' is needed to show ownership.

In our ideal world, the consumption of fast food has become widespread thanks to its convenience and time efficiency. As such fast-food items is often prepared quickly and findable almost everywhere, people tend to consume them every day. However, they are detrimental to human healthy, potentially leading them to medical problems such as obesity, cancer, and cardiovascular. This also effects negatively their health later in life. Yet, if people have a proper diet, they will likely to be healthy in the long run. Consuming home-cooked meals, vegetables and fruits, which are rich in vitamins and minerals, improves the quality of life among individuals, often preventing them aforementioned problems. In western countries, for instance, people are usually vegetarian, which is most of them are physically strong and have increased average lifespan. Therefore, it is wrong to consider a good diet as insignificant for people’s long and healthy life.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn today's world, the consumption of fast food has become widespread due to its convenience and time efficiency.

   The phrase 'in our ideal world' is not necessary and can be confusing. It implies a world that is different from the current one, which may not be the case.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedFast food items are often prepared quickly and are readily available, leading to their frequent consumption.

   The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedHowever, they are detrimental to human health, potentially leading to medical problems such as obesity, cancer, and cardiovascular issues.

   The adjective 'healthy' is not typically used to describe a person, so the noun form 'health' should be used. Additionally, 'issues' is a more appropriate word to use in this context.

4. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis can also have negative effects on their health later in life.

   The verb 'effects' should be 'affects' in this context, and the preposition 'on' should be used after 'effects'.

What is more, regularly doing both mental and physical exercises can result in a healthy lifestyle among people. Those who engage in physical activities in the gym clubs are usually endurant and strong, as sports exercises often provide them with benefits, which are necessary to maintain better health in the long-term. Cristiano Ronaldo, who is one of the best footballers in the world, for example, spends his most time on training in the gym and football stadiums. Although Cristiano is at the age of 41 at the moment, he is performing as he was an 18-year-old teenager, showing the importance of regular exercise for a long and healthy life. Even a few minutes of meditation ensures people to relax and refresh their thoughts after a demanding day at work or at university, often helping reduce stress-related issues and fostering their overall well-being.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedFurthermore, engaging in regular mental and physical exercises can significantly contribute to maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct connection to the point being made.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFor example, Cristiano Ronaldo, one of the best footballers in the world, spends most of his time training in the gym and on the football field.

   The revised sentence is more concise and the phrasing is more natural.

In conclusion, I completely disagree with the view of a good diet and regular exercise are unnecessary for healthy life in the long run, as correct nourishment and exercise are the main factors to improve our healthy, as the examples above suggest

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, I strongly disagree with the view that a good diet and regular exercise are unnecessary for a healthy life, as they are crucial for long-term health improvement, as the examples above suggest.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct conclusion, and the phrasing is more concise and effective.