Diet, exercise and a long life: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 8.0

There is a view that a good diet and physical exercises do not translate into a prolonged lifespan and healthy life. While I firmly disagree with this statement, there are other factors which also contribute to people’s longevity and health.

A good diet is a crucial element contributing to human health and lifespan. Those with healthy eating habits and controlled diets are more likely to have a more robust immune system and live longer, since what they consume directly impacts their well-being. Conversely, individuals feeding on unhealthy food tend to report more health risks. A person living on junk food, for instance, may have issues with their digestive system, unlike a person who consumes healthy meals. In the long run, the former is likely to witness more serious health problems, resulting in obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular diseases in the worst case scenario, whereas the latter will have a longer and healthier life. Therefore, the food people consume directly correlates with longevity and well-being.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedA good diet is a crucial element that contributes to human health and lifespan.

   The revision provides a more explicit linking of the idea to the main point.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedConversely, individuals consuming unhealthy food tend to report more health risks.

   The term 'feeding on' is not typically used in this context. 'Consuming' is a more appropriate choice.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedA person who lives on junk food, for instance, may have issues with their digestive system, unlike a person who consumes healthy meals.

   The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear expression of the contrast between the two people.

4. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIn the long run, the former is more likely to experience serious health problems, such as obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular diseases, whereas the latter will lead to a longer and healthier life.

   The term 'witness' is not typically used in relation to health problems. The revised sentence uses more appropriate language.

Regular exercise is another equally important aspect for individuals wanting to live long and healthy. Engaging in physical exercise has therapeutic effects on human anatomy, as the movement circulates blood throughout the body, strengthens muscles and bones and contributes to weight management. For example, people residing in so-called ‘blue zones’ reportedly have an active lifestyle which might explain one of the longest lifespans all over the world. Physical exercise is built into their routines, and walking a lot, farming and climbing hills are perceived as common habits, not extraordinary activities. In contrast, little movement and sedentary lifestly(spelling) do increase the risk of chronic conditions, like obesity, high blood pressure and heart diseases.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedRegular exercise is another important aspect that contributes to longevity and health.

   The revision provides a more direct and clear connection to the main idea.

While diet and physical exercise play a defining role in people’s health, genetics should not be overlooked. In the majority of cases, people pass on their genetic code from one generation to another. For example, if a person in a family line suffered from cancer, their descendants are also likely to inherit this disease, meaning a good diet with exercise are not effective. Conversely, a person who has smoked all their life with poor diet and little movement might have a long live thanks to good genes inherited from their ancestors. This suggests that not everything is within people’s control; sometimes, external factors might make a big difference by either granting people a long and healthy life or increasing their susceptibility to certain diseases.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedWhile diet and physical exercise play a defining role in people’s health, it is also important not to overlook genetics.

   The revision provides a clearer and more direct contrast between the three factors being discussed.

2. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedThis suggests that not everything is within people's control; sometimes, external factors can make a significant difference in determining whether they lead a long and healthy life or are susceptible to certain diseases.

   The revised sentence uses more precise language and is more concise.

In conclusion, a proper diet as well as exercise engagement are crucial aspects directly contributing to people’s lifespan and health. However, the genes might be of equal importance, as they dictate whether or not a person is predisposed to particular health conditions.