Passenger travel by transport type: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 5.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
161 words. Marked by Axiom on 21 September 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 1990 | 2000 | |
|---|---|---|
| Bicycle | 3 | 1 |
| Motorbike | 4 | 2 |
| Air | 1 | 4 |
| Bus | 40 | 42 |
| Rail | 35 | 37 |
| Total | 100 | 110 |
Academic Task 1161 words
The chart shows the total distance travelled by passengers on five types of transport in the UK between 1990 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Units are measured in billion.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe bar chart compares the distance traveled by passengers using five different modes of transportation in the UK over a 10-year period starting from 1990.
The original sentence is wordy and repetitive. The revision uses more precise vocabulary.
Lexical resource
RevisedOverall, it is clear that most modes of transportation exhibited upward trends, except for motorbikes and bicycles.
The original sentence is wordy and slightly unclear. The revision is more concise and clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedNotably, the total distance traveled increased over the given timeframe.
The original sentence is wordy. The revision uses a more concise and sophisticated phrase.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedWhen it comes to the details about kilometers traveled by bicycle and motorbike, their numbers decreased over the span to almost 2 billion passenger kilometers.
The original sentence is unclear and repetitive. The revision clarifies the data point.
The total distance traveled by five passenger transports increased from about 110 to 118.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFocusing on increasing trends, the number of kilometers traveled by rail and air experienced a slight growth to approximately 2 billion and 3 billion, respectively, in the final year.
The original sentence contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. The revision corrects these issues.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe distance covered by bus was about 45 billion kilometers at the beginning of the period. After a decade, it increased slightly to 48 billion kilometers.
The original sentence is unclear and lacks context. The revision provides a clearer and more accurate description.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay follows a logical structure but lacks clarity in some areas. The introduction and overview are present, but the details are not well-organized, and some comparisons are missing or unclear.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all key details from the chart are included.
- Organize the details more clearly, grouping similar trends together.
- Provide clearer comparisons between the different modes of transport.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhen it comes to the details about kilometers traveled by bicycle and motorbike, their numbers decreased over the span to almost 2 billion passenger kilometers.
The original sentence is unclear and repetitive. The revision clarifies the data point.
RevisedFocusing on increasing trends, the number of kilometers traveled by rail and air experienced a slight growth to approximately 2 billion and 3 billion, respectively, in the final year.
The original sentence contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. The revision corrects these issues.
RevisedThe distance covered by bus was about 45 billion kilometers at the beginning of the period. After a decade, it increased slightly to 48 billion kilometers.
The original sentence is unclear and lacks context. The revision provides a clearer and more accurate description.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. There is an attempt to use a range of grammatical structures, but with limited accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a range of vocabulary, but some words and phrases are used inaccurately or repetitively. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe bar chart compares the distance traveled by passengers using five different modes of transportation in the UK over a 10-year period starting from 1990.
The original sentence is wordy and repetitive. The revision uses more precise vocabulary.
RevisedNotably, the total distance traveled increased over the given timeframe.
The original sentence is wordy. The revision uses a more concise and sophisticated phrase.
RevisedOverall, it is clear that most modes of transportation exhibited upward trends, except for motorbikes and bicycles.
The original sentence is wordy and slightly unclear. The revision is more concise and clear.
Task achievement
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed explanations and comparisons. Some key details from the chart are missing or inaccurately described.
Suggestions
- Include more detailed explanations and comparisons of the data.
- Ensure all key details from the chart are accurately described.
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