Renewable energy share: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 7.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

190 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 July 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The bar chart this answer describes

Values in % of total energy supply. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.

Show the data

Renewable energy share (IELTS Task 1 bar chart) (% of total energy supply)
	2000	2004	2007
Australia	9	10	9
Germany	12	16	18
Norway	62	66	78
Iceland	52	59	56

Academic Task 1190 words

The bar chart below shows the proportion of renewable energy of total supply in 2000, 2004, and 2007.

The provided bar chart illustrates the percentage of renewable energy in several countries – Norway, Iceland, Australia and Germany – in various years. Overall, the most immense portion of renewable energy accounted in Norway and Iceland, while the reverse trend observed other remaining countries.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
Revisedthe largest proportion of renewable energy
The phrase 'most immense' is awkward and could be more simply and accurately expressed as 'largest proportion'.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
Revisedthe opposite trend was observed in the other remaining countries.
The phrase 'reverse trend observed' is awkward and unidiomatic. It could be more simply and accurately expressed as 'the opposite trend was observed'.

Looking at the first Norway renewable energy statistics, in 2000, the amount renewable energy expanded around 62%, one-tenth than Iceland counterparts in the same year. However, in Norway the portion of renewable energy spending on an almost 65% and Iceland allocating about 60% in 2004. Despite this, in 2007, the amount of renewable energy used to by Norway to a further rising approximately 80%, compared to that of Iceland statistics, which was saw a negligible fall to 55%.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn 2000, Norway's renewable energy statistics showed an expansion of around 62%, which was one-tenth less than that of Iceland.
The revision provides a clearer and more concise explanation of the data.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn 2004, Norway's portion of renewable energy was almost 65%, while Iceland's was about 60%.
The revision clarifies the information and improves the flow of the sentence.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn 2007, Norway's use of renewable energy rose further to approximately 80%, while Iceland's fell slightly to 55%.
The revision simplifies the sentence structure and improves the clarity of the information.

In contrast, remaining countries – Australia and Germany - exhibited small numbers. In 2000, Australia’s annual expenditure of renewable energy stood at 9%, a figure that rose by 1% in 2004 and nearly remained unchanged in 2007. Germany, on the other hand, used by much higher percentages with 12% in 2000. This figure than grew to a fifth before further increasing to roughly 18% in the final year.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedIn contrast, the remaining countries - Australia and Germany - exhibited lower figures.
The phrase 'exhibited small numbers' is awkward and could be more accurately expressed as 'exhibited lower figures'.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedGermany, on the other hand, had a much higher usage at 12% in 2000.
The phrase 'used by much higher percentages' is awkward and could be more simply and accurately expressed as 'had a much higher usage'.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedThis figure then grew to one-fifth before further increasing to roughly 18% in the final year.
The correct use of 'than' vs 'then'. 'Than' is used for comparison, while 'then' is used to indicate time or sequence.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately. However, there are a few instances where the flow of information could be improved.

Suggestions

Consider using more varied linking words to improve the flow of information.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedIn 2000, Norway's renewable energy statistics showed an expansion of around 62%, which was one-tenth less than that of Iceland.
The revision provides a clearer and more concise explanation of the data.
RevisedIn 2004, Norway's portion of renewable energy was almost 65%, while Iceland's was about 60%.
The revision clarifies the information and improves the flow of the sentence.
RevisedIn 2007, Norway's use of renewable energy rose further to approximately 80%, while Iceland's fell slightly to 55%.
The revision simplifies the sentence structure and improves the clarity of the information.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedIn contrast, the remaining countries - Australia and Germany - exhibited lower figures.
The phrase 'exhibited small numbers' is awkward and could be more accurately expressed as 'exhibited lower figures'.
RevisedThis figure then grew to one-fifth before further increasing to roughly 18% in the final year.
The correct use of 'than' vs 'then'. 'Than' is used for comparison, while 'then' is used to indicate time or sequence.
RevisedLooking at the first of Norway's renewable energy statistics in 2000, we see that the amount of renewable energy expanded around 62%, which was one-tenth less than Iceland's counterparts in the same year.
The sentence has a subject-verb agreement error. The correct form of the sentence ensures the agreement between the subject and the verb.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

Sentence revisions 3

Revisedthe largest proportion of renewable energy
The phrase 'most immense' is awkward and could be more simply and accurately expressed as 'largest proportion'.
Revisedthe opposite trend was observed in the other remaining countries.
The phrase 'reverse trend observed' is awkward and unidiomatic. It could be more simply and accurately expressed as 'the opposite trend was observed'.
RevisedGermany, on the other hand, had a much higher usage at 12% in 2000.
The phrase 'used by much higher percentages' is awkward and could be more simply and accurately expressed as 'had a much higher usage'.

Task achievement

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also provides a detailed illustration of the data with specific examples.

Suggestions

Ensure that all data is accurately reported.
Consider grouping similar data together to provide a clearer comparison.

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