Renewable energy share: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
206 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2000 | 2004 | 2007 | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Australia | 9 | 10 | 9 |
| Germany | 12 | 16 | 18 |
| Norway | 62 | 66 | 78 |
| Iceland | 52 | 59 | 56 |
Academic Task 1206 words
The bar chart below shows the proportion of renewable energy of total supply in 2000, 2004, and 2007.
Overall, more than half of all power in Norway and Iceland came from renewable sources, while in Australia and Germany these figures were much lower. It is also clear that the proportion of renewable energy noticeably rose in all given countries, except for Australia where it remained more or less unchanged.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe bar chart compares the proportion of renewable energy in the total supply across four different countries in the years 2000, 2004, and 2007.
This revision provides a slight variation in sentence structure while conveying the same information.
In 2000, renewable energy made up over 60% of the total supply in Norway, a figure which saw a modest rise in 2004, prior to surging to a chart high of nearly 80% in 2007.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedStarting at just above 50%, the figure for Iceland dramatically increased to 60% in 2004, then fell back to around 55% by the end of the study period.
This revision simplifies the sentence structure and improves the flow of information.
The former began the period with slightly more than 10% of the total supply and witnessed a steady growth, closing at around 18% in 2007. The proportion of renewable power in Australia, on the other hand, hovered at close to 10% in all given years, which was the smallest percentage visable on the chart.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedGermany and Australia, the two other countries under study, utilized a significantly lower amount of renewable energy.
This revision provides a clearer connection between the two countries and the type of energy utilized.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader through the text. The information is well-sequenced, making the essay easy to follow.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words or phrases to show more variety.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe bar chart compares the proportion of renewable energy in the total supply across four different countries in the years 2000, 2004, and 2007.
This revision provides a slight variation in sentence structure while conveying the same information.
RevisedStarting at just above 50%, the figure for Iceland dramatically increased to 60% in 2004, then fell back to around 55% by the end of the study period.
This revision simplifies the sentence structure and improves the flow of information.
RevisedGermany and Australia, the two other countries under study, utilized a significantly lower amount of renewable energy.
This revision provides a clearer connection between the two countries and the type of energy utilized.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures and shows a good control of grammar and punctuation. There are few, if any, grammatical errors.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe figure for Iceland started lower, at just above 50%, and after a dramatic increase to 60% in 2004, fell back to around 55% by the end of the study period.
This revision improves the sentence by adding a comma for better clarity and correcting the placement of the word 'dramatic'.
RevisedThe other two countries, Germany and Australia, utilized significantly less renewable energy.
This revision provides a more accurate description of the amount of renewable energy utilized by the two countries.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses some less common, more academic words and phrases. The vocabulary is generally well-chosen and contributes to a clear and formal style.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedIn 2000, renewable energy constituted over 60% of the total supply in Norway.
This revision introduces a more formal and academic verb, "constituted," which is more appropriate for the task.
RevisedThe proportion of renewable power in Australia, conversely, remained around 10% in all the given years.
This revision introduces a more varied use of linking words ("conversely" instead of "on the other hand") and simplifies the sentence for better clarity.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The information is accurately selected and effectively compares the use of renewable energy in the four countries.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all data is accurately represented and clearly explained.
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