How recycled paper is made: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 6.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

189 words. Marked by Axiom on 22 August 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The process this answer describes

How recycled paper is made: the stages in order

Making pulp Used paper is dumped from crates/containers and combined with water and chemicals to create unfiltered pulp.
Filtering The unfiltered pulp passes through a filter into a container below.
Cleaning Air, along with water and soap, is added to the mixture in a tank; ink is separated/removed via an outlet pipe/chute, leaving cleaned pulp.
Making paper The pulp is mixed with water & chemicals, then poured onto a conveyor belt where it passes through heated rollers to squeeze out water; the resulting sheet is rolled into rolls of recycled paper.

Academic Task 1189 words

The diagram below illustrate how recycled paper is made.

The process shows how recycled paper is manufactured.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThe process demonstrates how recycled paper is manufactured.
The word 'demonstrates' is more precise in this context than 'shows'.

Overall, it is a linear process consisting four main stages: making pulp, filtering, cleaning and making paper.

Firstly, the unfiltered pulp which is loaded to the box to is transported by conveyor belt to the place where it is filtered with water and chemicals. After that, the substance goes to the special bowl which keeps the pulp, however letting the water go through tiny holes. Then, collected filtered pulp goes to the tanker where it is ready to go to the next step.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedFirstly, the unfiltered pulp, which is loaded into a box, is transported by conveyor belt to a location where it is filtered with water and chemicals.
Added commas and corrected prepositional phrases to improve sentence structure and flow.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedAfter that, the substance is transferred to a special vat which retains the pulp while allowing the water to drain through small holes.
Revised to improve clarity and flow. Changed 'bowl' to 'vat' for scientific accuracy.

The filtered pulp from the last step then goes to the basin where it is cleaned using water and soap with the help of air coming from special pressure machine, and the ink from it is absorbed by special tube. The substance goes another cession of filtering before it becomes cleaned pulp which is ready material that used for the paper production. This cleaned pulp is then laid to the conveyor belt where heated rollers squash the water and makes the pulp flat that is already a paper and it is wrapped before it can be used again.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedThe filtered pulp is then transferred to a cleaning basin where water and soap, aided by air from a special pressure machine, are used to remove any remaining ink.
Revised for clarity and flow. Changed 'basin' to 'cleaning basin' and 'tube' to 'machine' for scientific accuracy.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThe substance undergoes another round of filtering before it becomes cleaned pulp, which is a ready material used for paper production.
The phrase 'another round of filtering' is more natural and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThis cleaned pulp is then transferred to a conveyor belt where heated rollers remove the water and flatten the pulp into paper, which is then packaged for reuse.
The phrase 'heated rollers squash the water and makes the pulp flat' is awkward and could be more clearly expressed.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of information could be improved. The use of linking words and phrases is generally good, but there are a few instances where they are used incorrectly or are missing.

Suggestions

Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of information.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to that topic.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedFirstly, the unfiltered pulp, which is loaded into a box, is transported by conveyor belt to a location where it is filtered with water and chemicals.
Added commas and corrected prepositional phrases to improve sentence structure and flow.
RevisedAfter that, the substance is transferred to a special vat which retains the pulp while allowing the water to drain through small holes.
Revised to improve clarity and flow. Changed 'bowl' to 'vat' for scientific accuracy.
RevisedThe filtered pulp is then transferred to a cleaning basin where water and soap, aided by air from a special pressure machine, are used to remove any remaining ink.
Revised for clarity and flow. Changed 'basin' to 'cleaning basin' and 'tube' to 'machine' for scientific accuracy.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of incorrect verb forms and punctuation errors.

Sentence revisions 2

RevisedFirstly, the unfiltered pulp, which is loaded into a box, is transported by conveyor belt to a filtering location using water and chemicals.
The sentence had a minor error with the verb tenses and prepositional phrases.
RevisedThe filtered pulp is then transferred to a cleaning basin where water and soap, aided by air from a special pressure machine, are used to remove any remaining ink.
The sentence had a minor error with the verb tenses and prepositional phrases.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe process demonstrates how recycled paper is manufactured.
The word 'demonstrates' is more precise in this context than 'shows'.
RevisedThe substance undergoes another round of filtering before it becomes cleaned pulp, which is a ready material used for paper production.
The phrase 'another round of filtering' is more natural and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
RevisedThis cleaned pulp is then transferred to a conveyor belt where heated rollers remove the water and flatten the pulp into paper, which is then packaged for reuse.
The phrase 'heated rollers squash the water and makes the pulp flat' is awkward and could be more clearly expressed.

Task achievement

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the process. The essay also includes specific details and uses an appropriate style for the report.

Suggestions

Ensure that all information is presented in a logical sequence.
Use a variety of sentence structures to add interest to the report.

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