Junk food and education: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
322 words. Marked by Axiom on 1 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2322 words
Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food, and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, many people eat unhealthy food such as fast food, which is harmful to their health. Some people think that education is the main way to solve this problem, while others believe that more than just education is needed.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis leads to serious health issues such as obesity, heart disease, and diabetes.
The revised sentence is more precise and formal.
For instance, in places like Uzbekistan, many people suffer from health problems caused by poor diets. If people are taught about healthy eating and what ingredients to avoid, they may start making better food choices.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne reason many people consume junk food is their limited understanding of its harmful effects.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more formal tone.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn many countries with low education levels, people are often unaware of the sugar, fat, and salt content in their food.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
Another point is that schools can help by teaching children about healthy food from an early age. If students learn the importance of eating fruits, vegetables, and balanced meals, they are more likely to keep good habits as they grow up. This can help reduce the number of overweight or sick people in the future.
However, just giving people knowledge may not always work. For example, the government can raise the price of junk food by adding taxes. On the other hand, they can make healthy food cheaper so more people can afford it.
Lexical resource
RevisedSome individuals may persist in choosing fast food, despite being aware of its unhealthiness.
The revised sentence uses a more formal and academic tone.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedTherefore, other measures also need to be implemented.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
Besides that, the government can create more public gyms, parks, and health programs to encourage people to live an active life. These actions can help reduce health problems and push people to think more about their lifestyle.
In conclusion, education is important in helping people understand healthy eating, but it is not enough by itself. I believe that both education and government actions are needed to solve the problem of unhealthy eating and to improve public health.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. "One reason why many people eat junk food is because they do not fully understand how bad it is." This sentence is slightly awkward and could be rephrased for clarity. "In many countries, especially where the education level is low, people do not know how much sugar, fat, or salt is in their food." This sentence is a bit long and complex, and could be broken up for better readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your sentences are clear and concise.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedOne reason many people consume junk food is their limited understanding of its harmful effects.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more formal tone.
RevisedIn many countries with low education levels, people are often unaware of the sugar, fat, and salt content in their food.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few minor errors, but they do not impede communication. "One reason why many people eat junk food is because they do not fully understand how bad it is." The use of "how bad it is" is somewhat informal and could be rephrased for formality. "If people are taught about healthy eating and what ingredients to avoid, they may start making better food choices." The term "what ingredients to avoid" is somewhat informal and could be rephrased for formality.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedOne reason many people eat junk food is that they do not fully understand the negative effects of it.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
RevisedTherefore, other measures also need to be implemented.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. "One reason why many people eat junk food is because they do not fully understand how bad it is." The phrase "how bad it is" is somewhat informal and vague; a more specific term could be used. "This can help reduce the number of overweight or sick people in the future." The term "sick people" is too general and could be misinterpreted; a more precise term would be better.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThis leads to serious health issues such as obesity, heart disease, and diabetes.
The revised sentence is more precise and formal.
RevisedSome individuals may persist in choosing fast food, despite being aware of its unhealthiness.
The revised sentence uses a more formal and academic tone.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. Both sides of the argument are discussed in a balanced way, and the writer's opinion is clearly stated. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. In the second body paragraph, you could provide an example of a school program that has been successful in promoting healthy eating habits.
- In the third body paragraph, you could provide an example of a government initiative that has been effective in reducing obesity rates.
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