Junk food and education: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
303 words. Marked by Axiom on 1 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2303 words
Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food, and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
These days, many people eat fast food and other unhealthy meals, which can be dangerous for their health. It can cause problems like being overweight, heart disease, and diabetes. Some people think that education is the best way to fix this issue, while others say that more actions are needed.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn this essay, I will elucidate both perspectives before expounding my viewpoint.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
For example, in Uzbekistan, many people have health problems because they don’t learn about nutrition. If people get information about food and health, they can choose better meals.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne reason people consume unhealthy food is due to a lack of understanding about its adverse effects.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn many countries, people are often unaware of the harmful ingredients such as sugar, fat, or salt, in their food.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and collocationally appropriate phrasing.
When children learn why fruits, vegetables, and clean water are important, they will try to eat better as they grow up. This can stop problems like obesity in the future.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdditionally, educational institutions can play a pivotal role in educating students about the importance of healthy eating.
The revised sentence provides a stronger emphasis and more formal language.
However, just giving education is not enough. Some people will still eat fast food, even if they know it is unhealthy. For example, they can add higher taxes on junk food, so people buy less of it. At the same time, they can give discounts on healthy food to make it cheaper.
Lexical resource
RevisedTherefore, it is imperative for the government to take proactive measures.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFurthermore, there should be a concerted effort to invest in public health initiatives.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe government can establish recreational areas, fitness centers, or conduct health promotion campaigns via television and social media.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSuch measures can motivate individuals to lead a more active lifestyle and take better care of their health.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
In conclusion, education is a good way to solve this problem, but it is not the only solution.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI posit that a dual approach of education and robust government intervention is requisite to promote healthier eating habits and an overall improved lifestyle.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your arguments flow logically from one to the next.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne reason people consume unhealthy food is due to a lack of understanding about its adverse effects.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic.
RevisedAdditionally, educational institutions can play a pivotal role in educating students about the importance of healthy eating.
The revised sentence provides a stronger emphasis and more formal language.
RevisedFurthermore, there should be a concerted effort to invest in public health initiatives.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn this essay, I will elucidate both perspectives before expounding my viewpoint.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
RevisedSuch measures can motivate individuals to lead a more active lifestyle and take better care of their health.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
RevisedI posit that a dual approach of education and robust government intervention is requisite to promote healthier eating habits and an overall improved lifestyle.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn many countries, people are often unaware of the harmful ingredients such as sugar, fat, or salt, in their food.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and collocationally appropriate phrasing.
RevisedTherefore, it is imperative for the government to take proactive measures.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
RevisedThe government can establish recreational areas, fitness centers, or conduct health promotion campaigns via television and social media.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. Both sides of the argument are discussed in a balanced way, and the writer's opinion is clearly stated. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Try to include more specific examples to substantiate your arguments.
- Ensure that you fully develop your ideas and arguments.
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