Junk food and education: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 7.0

There is a debate over eating junk food when it comes to its damage to the health, with some individuals believing that it is essential to educate everyone about possible drawbacks, while others think this education is useless unless authorities provide cheaper and healthier food and ingredients. I strongly support the latter viewpoint, since there are other factors contributing to persistence of unhealthy eating habits.

Proponents of educating people about the harm of unhealthy food often highlight lack of knowledge on what we eat. Simply put, myriad individuals around the world are now consuming fast food daily, thinking these meals are completely harmless, inexpensive, and time-saving. As a result, although saving a little time and money, they find themselves in a sluggish mood after having low-nutrient food, thanks to the lack of education among people about what they are eating. Therefore, it is crucial to be attentive to our food.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOne argument for educating people about the harm of unhealthy food is that it addresses a lack of knowledge about the impact of such foods on health.

   This revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the argument, improving the flow of ideas.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAs a result, despite saving a little time and money, they often feel sluggish after consuming low-nutrient food, which may be due to a lack of education about nutrition.

   This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.

However, it is widely acknowledged that it is inexpensiveness and convenience of junk food that lead to widespread consumption. It is clear for us that most people work in tiring jobs that offer a low salary. In this case, many individuals try to economize even a minute of their life and money, and simply prefer those called “cheap, and fast-prepared fast food”, albeit they know the possible health issues deriving from these meals. Consequently, the number of problems related to well-being may arise as a result of increased junk food eating. Thereby, governments should optimize food prices and try to implement nutrient-rich ingredients in markets.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the other hand, the low cost and convenience of junk food are widely acknowledged as factors contributing to its widespread consumption.

   This revision improves the sentence structure, making the idea more coherent and easier to follow.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn this case, many individuals, despite knowing the potential health issues associated with such meals, opt for what is called “cheap and fast-prepared fast food,” trying to economize both time and money.

   This revision corrects several grammatical errors, including the order of words and the use of prepositions, improving the overall accuracy of the sentence.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedTherefore, governments should optimize food prices and promote the use of nutrient-rich ingredients in the market.

   This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.

Having discussed both arguments above, my firm conviction is that although education about food is important, many people have a basic understanding of healthy and unhealthy food. Instead, authorities should take responsibility for minimizing costs of consuming ingredients and fill their food markets with nutrient-dense products.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, while it is important to educate people about healthy and unhealthy food, I believe that many already have a basic understanding of these concepts.

   This revision provides a clearer and more concise conclusion, summarizing the points made in the essay.