Individuals and the environment: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
266 words. Marked by Axiom on 13 May 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2266 words
Some people say that what people do to protect the environment cannot make a difference. Others say that individuals can help to protect the environment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There is a debate about whether individuals can make a difference by protecting the environment or not. While latter view seems valid on the face of it, I agree with the former as people can take part in afforestration initiatives and lower the number of environmentally harmful goods .
Governments can implement draconian regulations carbon-intensive industries, creating carbon neutrality.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdmittedly, individuals alone have a limited capacity to effect change, as the most significant influence on climate action lies with governments and large-scale institutions.
The revised sentence is more consistent in terms of subject-verb agreement.
Lexical resource
RevisedSuch regulations, if implemented, could reduce the intensity of the greenhouse effect.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAdditionally, governments can introduce hefty fines for companies that discharge chemical waste into rivers, causing the death of many aquatic animals.
The revised sentence corrects the preposition use and is more natural.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis would hold them accountable for their actions, thereby reducing the loss of aquatic animals.
The revised sentence provides a clearer cause-effect relationship and is more concise.
as forests serve as a habitat for flora and fauna. Furthermore, consumers can incentivize manufacturers to product stewardship. People can trigger behavioral change of manufacturers through incentives to prioritize life-cycle sustainable products. As a result, there are likely to be more innovations in packaging technology, reducing the environmental burden.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, I believe that individuals can effect change through initiatives such as afforestation and by reducing the number of environmentally harmful goods.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and the ideas are connected more effectively.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIf afforestation initiatives were integrated, biodiversity loss could be prevented,
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis would not only protect wildlife species but also help reduce air pollution.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and the phrase 'decrease the risk to wildlife species' is somewhat awkward.
To conclude, while some believe that people cannot make a difference by protecting environment, I agree with those who contend that they can by engaging in afforestation initiatives and lowering the number of environmentally harmful goods
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAdmittedly, individuals alone have a limited capacity to effect change, as the most significant influence on climate action lies with governments and large-scale institutions.
The revised sentence is more consistent in terms of subject-verb agreement.
RevisedHowever, I believe that individuals can effect change through initiatives such as afforestation and by reducing the number of environmentally harmful goods.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and the ideas are connected more effectively.
RevisedThis would hold them accountable for their actions, thereby reducing the loss of aquatic animals.
The revised sentence provides a clearer cause-effect relationship and is more concise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and is generally grammatically accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could enhance the argument.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedAdditionally, governments can introduce hefty fines for companies that discharge chemical waste into rivers, causing the death of many aquatic animals.
The revised sentence corrects the preposition use and is more natural.
RevisedIf afforestation initiatives were integrated, biodiversity loss could be prevented,
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the environment and sustainability. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could enhance the argument.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSuch regulations, if implemented, could reduce the intensity of the greenhouse effect.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedConsumers can encourage manufacturers to prioritize sustainable products through incentives.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and the phrase 'behavioral change of manufacturers' is somewhat awkward.
RevisedThis would not only protect wildlife species but also help reduce air pollution.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and the phrase 'decrease the risk to wildlife species' is somewhat awkward.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and the essay provides relevant examples to support the arguments. However, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with relevant examples.
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