Individuals and the environment: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 5.5

People have different views about whether people within the country should contribute to the protection of environment. While their contribution may seem very little, I firmly believe that individuals should help preserve nature, as it can be very beneficial to the governments and nature as a whole.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedWhile the contribution of individuals may seem small, I firmly believe that it is important for individuals to help preserve nature, as this can be very beneficial to both the government and the environment as a whole.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and provides a more clear and concise statement of the point being made.

On the one hand, avoiding environmental damages by citizens may not seem enough to prevent global problems like deforestation, global warming, and air pollution, as governments have a great influence on protecting nature by enacting strong rules and co-operating with other organization like UNESKO or WorldWide Protection. These organizations have enough resources and funding to the preservation of nature. Moreover, the governing bodies should prioritize the overall health of their population by preventing several environmental damages, since if residents suffer from the quality of air, they should provide them healthy environment. In terms of various organizations, they are trying to solve these problems by different ways, such as planting trees for deforestation issues and making modern equipment to avoid air pollution, these kinds of methods are helpful for avoiding the serious impacts of the global issues. By enacting new laws and penalties for people who cut down trees or get rid of their waste into sea or land, this method can teach them essential lessons about their mistakes, and they start to pay more attention to their surroundings.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the one hand, while individual efforts to avoid environmental damage may seem insufficient to prevent global issues such as deforestation, global warming, and air pollution, it is important to recognize the significant role of governments in protecting the environment through strong regulations and international cooperation.

   The revised sentence provides a smoother transition between ideas and clearly states the point being made.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFurthermore, governing bodies should prioritize the overall health of their population by preventing environmental damage, as a poor air quality can significantly impact public health.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and provides a more clear and concise statement of the point being made.

On the other hand, every person should take a responsibility for contributing and helping these organizations and governing bodies, because even small steps will be beneficial for achieving healthy environment in the future. They can plant different kinds of trees in their yards or gardens to prevent deforestation problems. Furthermore, individuals can separate their daily waste to help recycling centers, which reduces the total amount of garbage that goes to the landfills and lessens the issues like water and air pollution. Another measure would be the education of young generation about the importance of living in the safe environment without any pollutions or damages. Additionally, local schools should add the related subjects into the school curriculum, which can teach how to tackle these problems. If young people know more about the ways to preserve nature, they are more likely to live in the pure environment without facing global problems like global warming, air pollution and deforestation.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the other hand, it is crucial for every individual to take responsibility and contribute to environmental protection, as even small steps can lead to significant improvements in the future.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise statement of the point being made.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedAnother measure would be educating the younger generation about the importance of living in a pollution-free environment.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and provides a more clear and concise statement of the point being made.

In conclusion, while people's contribution may not make a difference the alleviate the serious damages in the environment, I strongly believe that every small step to preserve the nature and its resources would be advantageous to reach healthy and eco-friendly lifestyles.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, while the contribution of individuals may seem insufficient to alleviate the serious damage to the environment, I firmly believe that every small effort to preserve nature and its resources is beneficial in achieving healthy and eco-friendly lifestyles.

   The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise conclusion, restating the author's position.