Individuals and the environment: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 7.0

In today’s highly polluted world, a lot of people concern that there is no way of addressing environmental problems by the human involvemen alone, while others argue that human population can make a meaningful difference by saving and protecting the ecosysem. In my opinion, Individual efforts contribute the environment significantly.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn my opinion, individual efforts can significantly contribute to the environment.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the ideas.

Some critics claim that saving the environment is an unmanageble task for humanity alone. They believe that many environmental degradations such as, deforestation, habitat loss of species, rising sea levels, global warming and melting ice glaceries are beyond humans control. Preventing such huge ecological damages require significant financial resources, and high levels of environmental awareness and fundamental knowledge, which can only be achieved through governments and international corporations. In that case, individuals power seems too limited to make meaningful changes.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedSome critics claim that saving the environment is an unmanageable task for humans alone.

   The revised sentence corrects the spelling error and provides a more natural phrasing.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThey believe that many environmental issues such as deforestation, species habitat loss, rising sea levels, global warming, and melting ice glaciers are beyond human control.

   The revised sentence corrects the list format and the spelling error, and provides a more natural phrasing.

3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn that case, it may seem that individual power is too limited to make meaningful changes.

   The revised sentence provides a more explicit contrast to the following paragraph.

In contrast, I strongly believe that, individual contribution can indeed lead to positive outcomes. For instance, if bikes and environmentally-friendly public transports were to become more widely adopted by public in all nations, corbon dioxide emissions and fuel usage could be reduced significantly, which can obviously lead to less air pollution and cleaner air. Additionally, acting mindful about littering the habitable areas and water resources can change the poor conditions in ecosystem. And also I suppose that, safeguarding specie’s habitat and their homes is also the resonsibility of the ordinary people.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAdditionally, being mindful about littering in habitable areas and water resources can help improve the poor conditions of the ecosystem.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the following paragraph and uses more precise language.

In conclusion, while it may seem impossible for many people to protect the environment with individual efforts alone, I believe that the mindful actions taken by humans can also make difference, as the protection doesn’t always come with huge efforts, if done effectivelt and amitiously, small steps can yield more staggering results over time.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIn conclusion, while it may seem daunting to protect the environment through individual efforts alone, I believe that mindful actions can make a difference, as effective and ambitious efforts can lead to significant outcomes over time.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the spelling error, and provides a more natural expression.