Reasons for absence from work: IELTS Task 1 answer #4, band 6.0

The bar chart gives information about the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a European country between 2000, 2005 and 2010. The results show the different reasons why people did not go to work. Overall, the number of workers who could not go to work because of their illness and family responsibilities recorded a downward trend, while the reverse pattern was true for other reasons – stress, person needs (appointments, etc.), and unexpected problems such as transport and weather. Notably, although most people did not go to work because of illness, stress was the reason for a few people.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThe bar chart provides data on absenteeism survey results in a European country for the years 2000, 2005, and 2010.

   The revision uses more precise vocabulary.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOverall, the number of workers who did not attend work due to illness and family responsibilities showed a downward trend, whereas stress, personal needs, and unexpected problems like transport and weather showed an upward trend.

   The revision clarifies the sentence structure and improves coherence.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedNotably, while illness was the predominant reason for absenteeism, stress accounted for a smaller proportion.

   The revision uses more varied and precise vocabulary.

Looking at the data for downward trends, in 2000, fewer than 45 people who were ill did not go to work. However, their number decreased moderately to 40 in 2005 before falling to 35 in 2010. In terms of family responsibilities, around 27 workers was not at their work. In 2005 , their proportion dropped slightly to 25 and remained the same in 2010.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn terms of family responsibilities, around 27 workers were not at work.

   The subject-verb agreement is corrected.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn 2005, the number slightly dropped to 25 and remained constant in 2010.

   The revision removes unnecessary words and clarifies the sentence.

As for upward trends, stress was the reason for more than 5 people for not going to work. In 2000, their number decreased briefly to under 5. Despite this, their number increased significantly, reaching about 13 in 2010. Regarding person needs, around 14 people could not go to work in 2000 because of this reason. However, their number showed a significant increase, reaching 20 before rising noticeably to about 23 in the final year. Similarly, the number of people who were not at work due to unexpected problems was around 9 at the beginning of the period. As an increase, In 2005, fewer than 15 people could not go to work. But their number dipped unnoticeably by around a mere 1 in 2010.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedHowever, their number significantly increased, reaching 20 and then rising further to approximately 23 by the final year.

   The revision improves lexical variety and precision.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn 2005, the number increased to fewer than 15 people who could not go to work.

   The revision corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the meaning.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedHowever, their number slightly decreased by about 1 in 2010.

   The sentence structure is improved for grammatical accuracy.