Office building, now and in future: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
193 words. Marked by Axiom on 30 July 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The plan this answer describes
Present Office Building
- Four offices lie along the lower side.
- Kitchen, canteen and storeroom occupy the upper side, with WCs near the right and grass strips on both sides.
Future Office Building
- There are still four office rooms: two upper offices and two larger lower offices.
- Kitchen and Canteen labels disappear; the storeroom remains.
- The grass areas become outdoor seating on the left and meeting space on the right; WCs move and a coffee machine is shown.
Academic Task 1193 words
The maps show the changes of an office building between the present and the future.
The maps illustrate the changes in an office building between the present and the future.
Overall, it is clear that the offices are now adjacent to each other; however, they are planned to be evenly distributed across the building, with some of them being extended a little bit.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe grassy areas outside the building are planned to be replaced by new features, such as outdoor seating and meeting spaces.
The revision provides a more precise description ("grassy areas" instead of "grasslands") and clarifies the function of the new features as meeting spaces.
As a result, green spaces will be redused in the future.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedInitially, the kitchen and canteen will be replaced by offices in the future.
The use of past tense in this sentence is incorrect as it refers to future changes. This revision corrects the tense usage for improved clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedA coffee machine and outdoor seating will be installed on the left and right sides of the building, replacing the current grassy areas.
The revision simplifies the sentence structure and improves clarity.
As for the second part of the building, which is planned to change significantly in the future, Firstly, now there are plenty of small offices, and in the future, they will be divided into big offices.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSecondly, the entrance will be changed, moving to the central bottom of the building from the current right bottom.
The revised sentence is more coherent and clear in presenting the future change in the entrance.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAdditionally, there will be less greenery in the future as chairs and meeting areas will replace the current grassy spaces.
The revision removes the informal tone ("You can also see") and corrects the future tense for improved clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately. However, there are a few instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for better clarity.
Suggestions
- Consider using more varied cohesive devices and transition signals to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that the use of articles ("the," "a," "an") is consistent and accurate throughout the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe maps illustrate the changes that will take place in an office building from the present to the future.
This revision provides a clearer and more formal introduction to the topic.
RevisedInitially, the kitchen and canteen will be replaced by offices in the future.
The use of past tense in this sentence is incorrect as it refers to future changes. This revision corrects the tense usage for improved clarity.
RevisedSecondly, the entrance will be changed, moving to the central bottom of the building from the current right bottom.
The revised sentence is more coherent and clear in presenting the future change in the entrance.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances where sentence structure and grammatical usage could be improved for better clarity.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedSecondly, the entrance will be relocated to the central bottom of the building from its current position at the right bottom.
The revision corrects the awkward sentence structure and ensures future tense is used consistently for describing future changes.
RevisedAdditionally, there will be less greenery in the future as chairs and meeting areas will replace the current grassy spaces.
The revision removes the informal tone ("You can also see") and corrects the future tense for improved clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic usage. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved for better precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe grassy areas outside the building are planned to be replaced by new features, such as outdoor seating and meeting spaces.
The revision provides a more precise description ("grassy areas" instead of "grasslands") and clarifies the function of the new features as meeting spaces.
RevisedA coffee machine and outdoor seating will be installed on the left and right sides of the building, replacing the current grassy areas.
The revision simplifies the sentence structure and improves clarity.
RevisedSecondly, the entrance will be relocated from the current right bottom of the building to the central bottom.
The revision provides a more precise description and is grammatically correct.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. The essay also provides specific details and makes relevant comparisons where necessary. However, the candidate could improve the essay by ensuring that all information is accurately and clearly presented, and by maintaining a formal tone throughout the essay.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all information is accurately and clearly presented.
- Maintain a formal tone throughout the essay.
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