Office building, now and in future: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
153 words. Marked by Axiom on 30 July 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The plan this answer describes
Present Office Building
- Four offices lie along the lower side.
- Kitchen, canteen and storeroom occupy the upper side, with WCs near the right and grass strips on both sides.
Future Office Building
- There are still four office rooms: two upper offices and two larger lower offices.
- Kitchen and Canteen labels disappear; the storeroom remains.
- The grass areas become outdoor seating on the left and meeting space on the right; WCs move and a coffee machine is shown.
Academic Task 1153 words
The maps show the changes of an office building between the present and the future.
The maps illustrate the changes in an office building between the present and the future.
Overall, it is clear that the offices are now adjacent to each other; however, they are planned to be evenly distributed across the building, with some of them being extended a little bit.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe grassy areas outside are planned to be replaced by new features, such as outdoor seating and meeting spaces.
This revision uses more precise and varied language (e.g., "meeting spaces" instead of "meeting areas") to describe the changes, improving the lexical resource of the essay.
To begin with, the kitchen and canteen will be replaced with offices.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedA coffee machine and outdoor seating will be added to the left and right sides of the building, which will result in a reduction of the grassy area.
The revision corrects the sentence structure to ensure that the meaning is clear and coherent to the reader.
Currently, it includes many small offices; it will be reconfigured into two larger offices.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe second part of the building will undergo significant changes.
This revision corrects the missing preposition and adjusts the word choice to improve grammatical range and accuracy.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe entrance will be moved from the bottom right to the center bottom.
This revision ensures that the passive voice is correctly used in the sentence.
Lexical resource
RevisedAdditionally, the future layout of the building will feature less green space, with grassy areas being replaced by more functional spaces such as offices and meeting areas.
This revision uses more specific terms (e.g., "grassy areas" and "functional spaces") to improve the clarity and precision of the description.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized, and there is a clear progression of ideas from the introduction to the detailed descriptions of the changes in the building. The use of cohesive devices such as "To begin with" and "The second part" helps to structure the essay and link the ideas together. The overall flow of the essay is smooth, making it easy to follow the changes being described.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words or phrases to join your sentences, and make sure that your ideas are connected in a logical sequence.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe maps illustrate the changes that are planned to take place in an office building from the present to the future.
This revision clarifies that the changes are planned, which is important information provided by the task. It also improves the sentence's coherence by making explicit the temporal progression of the changes.
RevisedThe second segment of the building will undergo significant changes.
This revision provides more clarity and precision in the description, improving the overall coherence of the essay.
RevisedA coffee machine and outdoor seating will be added to the left and right sides of the building, which will result in a reduction of the grassy area.
The revision corrects the sentence structure to ensure that the meaning is clear and coherent to the reader.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with effective use of complex sentences to describe the changes in the building. There are a few minor grammatical errors or awkward constructions ("The grasslands outside are meant to be replaced by new areas, such as outdoor seating or meetings" could be more clearly stated as "The current outdoor seating and meeting areas are planned to replace the grassy areas"), but these do not significantly impact the overall clarity or communicative quality of the essay. Punctuation is generally well-used, though there are a few instances where it could be improved for greater clarity ("A coffee machine and outdoor seating will be added to the left and right sides of building, As a result grass space will be reduced" could be better presented as two separate sentences or a single compound sentence for clarity).
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedA coffee machine and outdoor seating will be added to the left and right sides of the building; as a result, the amount of grass will be reduced.
This revision addresses the issue of punctuation, making the sentence clearer to read.
RevisedThe entrance will be moved from the bottom right to the center bottom.
This revision ensures that the passive voice is correctly used in the sentence.
RevisedThe second part of the building will undergo significant changes.
This revision corrects the missing preposition and adjusts the word choice to improve grammatical range and accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of words and phrases to describe the changes in the building ("reconfigured," "adjacent," "planned to be"). The vocabulary is specific and relevant to the task, helping to provide a clear and detailed description of the changes. There are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing ("The grasslands outside are meant to be replaced by new areas" could be more clearly stated as "The grassy areas outside are planned to be replaced with new features"), but these do not significantly detract from the overall effectiveness of the lexical choices.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe grassy areas outside are planned to be replaced by new features, such as outdoor seating and meeting spaces.
This revision uses more precise and varied language (e.g., "meeting spaces" instead of "meeting areas") to describe the changes, improving the lexical resource of the essay.
RevisedAdditionally, the future layout of the building will feature less green space, with grassy areas being replaced by more functional spaces such as offices and meeting areas.
This revision uses more specific terms (e.g., "grassy areas" and "functional spaces") to improve the clarity and precision of the description.
RevisedThe kitchen and canteen are slated to be converted into office spaces.
This revision uses more specific language ("converted into office spaces") to describe the transformation, enhancing the lexical resource of the essay.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear and detailed description of the changes in an office building from the present to the future. The writer identifies key differences in the building's layout, such as the distribution of offices and the use of space both inside and outside the building. The essay could further improve by providing more specific details or examples to support the description of changes, where relevant (e.g., specifying the size of the planned extension for some offices or the types of new meeting areas).
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific details or examples to support your description of the changes in the building.
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