Office building, now and in future: IELTS Task 1 answer #3, band 7.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

222 words. Marked by Axiom on 5 August 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The plan this answer describes

Office building, now and in future: what the plans show

Present Office Building

Four offices lie along the lower side.
Kitchen, canteen and storeroom occupy the upper side, with WCs near the right and grass strips on both sides.

Future Office Building

There are still four office rooms: two upper offices and two larger lower offices.
Kitchen and Canteen labels disappear; the storeroom remains.
The grass areas become outdoor seating on the left and meeting space on the right; WCs move and a coffee machine is shown.

Academic Task 1222 words

The maps show the changes of an office building between the present and the future.

The maps illustrate what developments will be designed to take place indoors and outdoors in an office building.

Overall, it is clear that an office building will be about to expand its facilities of service, with a complete change offering more options to a customer.

To begin with, the main entrance is situated to the southeast of the office building, yet there is a plan to bring it exactly south of that. The office, consisting of a couple of departments to the left of the entrance, will be divided into two larger ones, placing them on opposite sides of the entrance. Additionally, the grassy spots on the two ends of the building will be devoted to chairs and a dining area. The thing is, the plan will create less greenery.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThe office, which currently houses several departments to the left of the entrance, will be reorganized into two larger ones positioned on opposite sides of the entrance.
The revised sentence uses more specific and formal language.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedAdditionally, the grassy areas at both ends of the building will be transformed into seating areas and a dining space.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and formal.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedHowever, the plan will result in a reduction of the greenery.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.

On the other hand, the rear entrance can be spotted on the west side of the map and will remain unchanged. As for introducing the newness of the building, the aforementioned project put emphasis on expanding the service of the building, abandoning the kitchen, canteen, and grass as well. Instead of these, an outdoor seating zone will be located to the north-west of that, and its opposite side will be designed to be occupied by a coffee machine and toilets. Altogether, the developments will boil down to making the foyer more spacious.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedIn terms of the building's renovation, the aforementioned project focuses on expanding its services and will involve the removal of the kitchen, canteen, and surrounding green areas.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedIn place of these facilities, an outdoor seating area will be constructed to the northwest, and a coffee machine and restrooms will be installed on the other side.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and formal.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedUltimately, the goal of the developments is to increase the size of the foyer.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and presents a clear central topic in each paragraph. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and there is a clear overall progression from introduction to body to conclusion. However, there are a few instances where the flow of information could be improved.

Suggestions

Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of information.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to that topic.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe maps illustrate the planned developments, both indoors and outdoors, that are scheduled to take place in an office building.
Removing unnecessary symbols and words can make the sentence more concise and clear.
RevisedHowever, the plan will result in a reduction of the greenery.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
RevisedUltimately, the goal of the developments is to increase the size of the foyer.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors. However, there are a few areas where the grammar could be improved for formality and precision.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe office, which currently consists of several departments to the left of the entrance, will be reorganized into two larger ones, each of them placed on an opposite side of the entrance.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and formal.
RevisedAdditionally, the grassy areas at both ends of the building will be transformed into seating areas and a dining space.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and formal.
RevisedIn place of these facilities, an outdoor seating area will be constructed to the northwest, and a coffee machine and restrooms will be installed on the other side.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and formal.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. The vocabulary is generally used appropriately, but there are a few instances where the choice of words could be improved.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe office, which currently houses several departments to the left of the entrance, will be reorganized into two larger ones positioned on opposite sides of the entrance.
The revised sentence uses more specific and formal language.
RevisedIn terms of the building's renovation, the aforementioned project focuses on expanding its services and will involve the removal of the kitchen, canteen, and surrounding green areas.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
RevisedUltimately, the changes will result in a more spacious foyer.
The revised sentence is more formal and has the same meaning.

Task achievement

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information provided. The essay also presents a well-developed response to the task, with relevant, extended, and supported ideas. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed comparison of the changes shown in the maps.

Suggestions

Provide a more detailed comparison of the changes shown in the maps.
Consider discussing the reasons for the changes or the potential impact of the changes.

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