Doctors’ pay in seven countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #4, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
191 words. Marked by Axiom on 1 October 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| Doctors | Other workers | |
|---|---|---|
| The US | 120 | 45 |
| Switzerland | 70 | 40 |
| Finland | 50 | 25 |
| Germany | 63 | 20 |
| Czech | 65 | 20 |
| Italy | 60 | 20 |
| France | 70 | 30 |
Academic Task 1191 words
The chart below gives information about the average annual pay of doctors and other workers in seven different countries in 2004.
The pie chart compares the yearly income of doctors and other workers in seven different countries in 2004.
Overall, the average annual earnings of doctors were significantly higher than that of other workers in all countries. While the US was the most well-paid country in both categories, the reverse was true for the Czech Republic, where both doctors and other workers earned a small amount of income in 2004.
, paid about $145 000 for doctors, while
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn detail, the USA, being the highest-paying country...
The phrase 'In details' should be 'In detail' for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
Lexical resource
Revisedthe figures for Germany, Switzerland, and Canada were slightly lower at $115,000, $110,000, and $105,000, respectively.
Ensure consistency in numerical expressions and avoid awkward phrasing.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFrance ranked third in terms of yearly pay for doctors, with just over $80,000.
Minor grammatical adjustments for clarity and readability.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFinally, Finland and the Czech Republic were the lowest-paid countries, with $55,000 for the former and $40,000 for the latter.
Adding 'the' before 'lowest-paid' for grammatical accuracy and consistency.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedRegarding the yearly income of other workers, the disparity is less pronounced among countries.
Using 'among' instead of 'between' for more than two items and improving word choice.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSwitzerland and the USA were the top countries, with $45,000 yearly pay for other workers, followed by Germany, France, and Finland, which reported $30,000.
Minor grammatical adjustments for clarity and readability.
Lexical resource
RevisedFinally, the Czech Republic had the lowest pay for other workers, at $15,000.
The phrase 'least paid country' is awkward and should be revised for clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-organized and follows a logical structure. However, there are minor issues with clarity and flow, particularly in the detailed comparisons.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all points are clearly linked and transitions between ideas are smooth.
- Avoid redundancy and ensure each sentence adds new information.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn detail, the USA, being the highest-paying country...
The phrase 'In details' should be 'In detail' for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
Revisedthe highest-paying country
The phrase 'highest well-paid country' is awkward and should be revised to 'highest-paying country' for better readability.
RevisedFrance ranked third in terms of yearly pay for doctors, with just over $80,000.
Minor grammatical adjustments for clarity and readability.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay shows a reasonable range of grammatical structures with some errors that do not impede communication. There are some issues with punctuation and article usage.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSwitzerland and the USA were the top countries, with $45,000 yearly pay for other workers, followed by Germany, France, and Finland, which reported $30,000.
Minor grammatical adjustments for clarity and readability.
RevisedRegarding the yearly income of other workers, the disparity is less pronounced among countries.
Using 'among' instead of 'between' for more than two items and improving word choice.
RevisedFinally, Finland and the Czech Republic were the lowest-paid countries, with $55,000 for the former and $40,000 for the latter.
Adding 'the' before 'lowest-paid' for grammatical accuracy and consistency.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some precise word choices. However, there are occasional lapses in word form and collocation.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedthe figures for Germany, Switzerland, and Canada were slightly lower at $115,000, $110,000, and $105,000, respectively.
Ensure consistency in numerical expressions and avoid awkward phrasing.
RevisedFinally, the Czech Republic had the lowest pay for other workers, at $15,000.
The phrase 'least paid country' is awkward and should be revised for clarity.
Revisedthe disparity is less pronounced between countries
Using 'pronounced' instead of 'noticeable' provides a more precise description.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and provides a clear overview of the main trends. Some details could be more precise, and there are minor inaccuracies in the data representation.
Suggestions
- Ensure all numerical data is accurately represented and consistent.
- Provide a clearer comparison of the differences in pay between countries.
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