Doctors’ pay in seven countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
190 words. Marked by Axiom on 15 September 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| Doctors | Other workers | |
|---|---|---|
| The US | 120 | 45 |
| Switzerland | 70 | 40 |
| Finland | 50 | 25 |
| Germany | 63 | 20 |
| Czech | 65 | 20 |
| Italy | 60 | 20 |
| France | 70 | 30 |
Academic Task 1190 words
The chart below gives information about the average annual pay of doctors and other workers in seven different countries in 2004.
Overall, the doctor's annual salary was the highest in every country. Notably, while the highest amount of annual payment was seen in the United States, the figure for the Czech Republic was the reverse.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe bar chart shows the annual earnings of doctors and other workers in seven different countries in 2004.
The phrase 'earn per year' can be simplified to 'annual earnings' to improve clarity.
Noticeably, the highest annual salary for doctors was observed in the last three countries, Germany with about 113, Switzerland with 109, and United States with around 140.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn Canada, the doctors' salary was around 107 per year, which ranked fourth among the seven countries.
This sentence is a bit unclear and the information is not presented in a logical order. By rephrasing, the information is made more accessible to the reader.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn the Czech Republic, Finland, and France, the figures stood at 40, 55, and 85 respectively, for other workers' annual pay.
The sentence can be made clearer by specifying what the figures represent.
Similarly, The general payments of other workers per year was also in the same amount in the next countries, except for the Czech Republic in the chart. It is worth mentioning that, the lowest amount of annual payment for other workers was observed in the Czech Republic.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe annual salary of other workers was similar in two countries, Switzerland and the United States, at around 40.
The use of 'similar' is not quite right in this context. It would be more accurate to say 'at around' 40.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to that topic.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedIn Canada, the doctors' salary was around 107 per year, which ranked fourth among the seven countries.
This sentence is a bit unclear and the information is not presented in a logical order. By rephrasing, the information is made more accessible to the reader.
RevisedIn the Czech Republic, Finland, and France, the figures stood at 40, 55, and 85 respectively, for other workers' annual pay.
The sentence can be made clearer by specifying what the figures represent.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors in grammar and punctuation.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe bar chart shows the annual earnings of doctors and other workers in seven different countries in 2004.
The phrase 'earn per year' can be simplified to 'annual earnings' to improve clarity.
RevisedThe figures for the next three countries, namely the Czech Republic, Finland, and France, were 40, 55, and 85 respectively.
The use of 'figure' should be in the plural form here, and the spelling of 'Finland' was incorrect.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedFor the next three countries, specifically the Czech Republic, Finland, and France, the figures were 40, 55, and 85 respectively.
The spelling of 'Finland' was incorrect, and the use of 'responsible for' is not appropriate in this context.
RevisedThe annual salary of other workers was similar in two countries, Switzerland and the United States, at around 40.
The use of 'similar' is not quite right in this context. It would be more accurate to say 'at around' 40.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. The essay also makes appropriate comparisons where relevant. However, the writer could benefit from varying their expressions more to avoid repetition.
Suggestions
- Try to vary your language more to avoid repetition. For example, the phrase 'annual salary' is used frequently and could be replaced with synonyms some of the time.
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