Doctors’ pay in seven countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
217 words. Marked by Axiom on 15 September 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| Doctors | Other workers | |
|---|---|---|
| The US | 120 | 45 |
| Switzerland | 70 | 40 |
| Finland | 50 | 25 |
| Germany | 63 | 20 |
| Czech | 65 | 20 |
| Italy | 60 | 20 |
| France | 70 | 30 |
Academic Task 1217 words
The chart below gives information about the average annual pay of doctors and other workers in seven different countries in 2004.
of doctors and other professionals in seven different countries for 2004. Overall, doctors were paid relatively higher than other workers in every country, Canada, Czech Republic, Finland, France, Germany, Switzerland, and the US .
Lexical resource
RevisedThe bar chart illustrates the average annual income...
The term 'illustrates' is more commonly used in IELTS writing tasks and can help to boost your lexical resource score.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedWhile doctors in the US received the highest annual pay, the opposite was true for their counterparts in the Czech Republic.
This revision provides a more formal and precise way of expressing the contrast.
As for the annual pay of doctors, Germany, Switzerland, and Canada, In the other countries, , with France at $85,000, Finland at $55,000 and Czech Republic at exactly $40,000.
Lexical resource
Revisedthe greatest figure was in the US, standing at approximately $145,000.
This revision provides a more formal and precise way of expressing the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe following countries, where doctors received more than a hundred thousand were...
The term 'next countries' is a bit unclear. The revision provides a clearer explanation.
Grammar & accuracy
Revisedwith approximately $111,000, $109,000, and $105,000, respectively.
Use 'approximately' for more precise figures.
Grammar & accuracy
Revisedthe average annual pay for doctors was significantly lower
In this context, 'average annual pay' is a fixed expression and the word 'of' is not needed.
However, out of seven countries, in the US and Switzerland other professionals got paid nearly the same amount of money at about $42,000, in the remaining countries. Notably, the average annual salary of workers in Germany, France, Finland, and Canada was equal at staggering $30,000. Only in Czech Republic, workers who were not doctors got paid about $18,000, which is the lowest amount on the graph.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedConversely, other workers had significantly lower average annual salaries.
This revision clarifies the contrast between the pay of doctors and other workers.
Lexical resource
Revisedwhich exceeds the pay in the other countries by $10,000...
This revision provides a more formal and precise way of expressing the idea.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the information. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and there is a clear progression of information from the introduction to the detailed body paragraphs and the conclusion.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words to join your ideas more smoothly.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhile doctors in the US received the highest annual pay, the opposite was true for their counterparts in the Czech Republic.
This revision provides a more formal and precise way of expressing the contrast.
RevisedThe following countries, where doctors received more than a hundred thousand were...
The term 'next countries' is a bit unclear. The revision provides a clearer explanation.
RevisedConversely, other workers had significantly lower average annual salaries.
This revision clarifies the contrast between the pay of doctors and other workers.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and is generally accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that could be addressed for a higher score.
Sentence revisions 2
Revisedthe average annual pay for doctors was significantly lower
In this context, 'average annual pay' is a fixed expression and the word 'of' is not needed.
Revisedwith approximately $111,000, $109,000, and $105,000, respectively.
Use 'approximately' for more precise figures.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of words and phrases specific to the topic. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved for a more formal tone.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe bar chart illustrates the average annual income...
The term 'illustrates' is more commonly used in IELTS writing tasks and can help to boost your lexical resource score.
Revisedthe greatest figure was in the US, standing at approximately $145,000.
This revision provides a more formal and precise way of expressing the idea.
Revisedwhich exceeds the pay in the other countries by $10,000...
This revision provides a more formal and precise way of expressing the idea.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay provides a detailed and accurate summary of the information presented in the bar chart. The writer effectively highlights the key features and makes relevant comparisons. The information is well-organized and clearly presented.
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