Small income gaps and happiness: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 7.0

There is a view that making revenue difference between the wealthiest and the poorest unnoticeable can help society to feel more satisfied. However, this is the way more harder and impossible to achieve, as the more people make an effort to earn money, the more they become wealthy. I do believe that there are various ways of making society fulfilled: making it accessible for quality education, keeping population in a safe atmosphere, and making healthcare system more advanced.

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   RevisedHowever, this path is more challenging and seemingly impossible to achieve, as the more individuals strive to earn money, the more wealth disparity is likely to occur.

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It is natural that the income level depends on the people itself, such as their level of education, the hunger towards making money and the relevant experience on their profession. This means that there is no way of creating an equality between educated and uneducated people, as today’s technology-driven world requires to be educated to boost his or her income. Apart from this, it is natural tendency to make more on people that differentiates their income level. In addition, what creates a income difference is the level of experience on a relevant sphere, since the less people experienced, the less they can benefit on their profession. Rarely have we seen a person who has higher earnings without these three factors: high educational background, hunger for money, and experience on their specific field of profession. Therefore, making any difference on skilled on every aspects of live and those who do not.

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   RevisedIt is natural to expect income levels to depend on factors such as education, motivation to earn, and relevant professional experience.

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   RevisedAdditionally, income differences are often attributed to experience in a relevant field, as less experienced individuals may have limited earning potential.

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One of the most effective ways of making people happier about their lifestyle is providing them with quality and affordable education. When people have an access for such a conveniences, they do not compare themselves with wealthy people, instead they will be happy from the educational equity between the rich and poor. This can be only achieved by offering the same level of education to all people despite their level of income, without differentiating them. For instance, Uzbekistan can be a clear example where everyone have a right to get educated in the same environment. This practice makes everyone fulfilled from government. However, there are some countries where people on get educate if they are from advantaged background, leaving those of disadvantaged uneducated. This is what makes society feel isolated and dissatisfied from their way of living.

Another way of creating an environment where people feel satisfied with their life is providing citizens with safety. If people have a trust on their safety, they can work, study and live with a trust on their freedom, thereby making them to feel the real happiness. By boosting countries spending on defensive purposes, putting safety controllers even on every streets, and enacting strict laws on people making crime, government can achieve their citizens’ belief on them. Switzerland, for instance, can be a clear example, which is considered as the safety country in the world by statistics, where people have one the highest level of happiness among all countries, as they can keep their privacy in an easy way. In contrast, supported by official statistics, Ethiopia is considered as one of the most unsafe country in the world, where people have no that much rights on their safety, making them much more unsatisfied with their lifestyle.

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   RevisedAnother method to enhance societal satisfaction is by ensuring citizen safety.

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   RevisedIn contrast, according to official statistics, Ethiopia is considered one of the most unsafe countries in the world, where people have limited safety rights, leading to greater dissatisfaction with their lives.

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Last but least, it is advanced and accessible healthcare system that creates a happy society. Although most countries are made huge or at least noticeable improvements on their healthcare system by the help of advanced technologies, there are some countries that still have hardships on making development on this sphere. When people have the same right despite their financial backgrounds, they feel the most satisfied, as what needs to the society is advancements on healthcare. If people have an access on both basic health needs and that of more advanced, I do believe they be more satisfied from government. Thanks to the developments in the technology, many countries have advanced tools that can give a hand on organizing advanced surgeries and can help with curing even impossible illnesses, such as cancer and heart & brain surgeries. Depending on one survey from Australian physiologists, people have the highest level of fulfillment if they have enough convenience on healthcare compared to other facilities, thereby it is one of the efficient way of making people happier with their life.

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   RevisedOwing to technological advancements, many countries now possess advanced medical tools capable of performing complex surgeries and treating previously incurable illnesses, such as cancer and heart & brain surgeries.

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In conclusion, while some people think that shrinking the income difference between the rich and the poor members of society can make people to feel happier, there are other crucial factors on that idea, such as access to education, a safe living environment and an advanced healthcare system.

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   RevisedIn conclusion, while some may believe that reducing the income disparity between the rich and the poor could lead to greater societal happiness, other critical factors such as access to education, a safe living environment, and advanced healthcare services must also be considered.

   The revised sentence uses more precise and formal vocabulary.