Saving money for the future: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 6.5

Does saving money play that much of huge role in people's life? everyone including youngsters have to learn how to save money for their future

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedDoes saving money play a significant role in people's lives?

   The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   Revisedeveryone, including youngsters, has to learn how to save money for the future

   The revised sentence is grammatically correct. The verb 'have' should be singular to agree with the singular subject 'everyone'.

I agree in a large extant, because having a habit of saving money from young age can be useful ones they become adult, and also would not make youngsters fully relied on their parents.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedI largely agree

   The correct phrase is 'I largely agree' which is more commonly used to express a strong agreement.

There are several reasons why i strongly agree with this statement, first of all, learning how to save money from young age would develop a habit for them, and by that they won't strugle to save money ones they become adults and have no other choice but to invest for their future. Second of all, in young ages people can't earn money by themselves and they would always have willingness to buy expensive stuff, and this can put a financial burden to their parents shoulders, and by saving their extra moneys instead of spending it on snacks or etc, they would have the capability of buying things they want to without asking for money from their parents.

1. Lexical resource

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   Revisedand as a result, they won't struggle to save money when they become adults

   The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   Revisedthey would always have the tendency to want expensive items

   The revised sentence is more natural and precise.

Another main reason that encouraged me to say saving money is important is that it can be saviour for people when they need large amount f money in a unexpected situations. For instance, nowadays it is really common for people to have a car crashs and in this kind of situations that money people have saved can bring them out from getting into serious problems. Even if they won't face this type of problems money that they have saved can be a future investment, and it can be beneficial in different ways. For instance, instead of working for a boss for their whole life they can open a business and run it by themselves, not only that when they get old their pensions may not be enough for their daily expenses, and it won't be easy to for them to earn money.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   Revisedand it won't be easy for them to earn money.

   The revised sentence is grammatically correct and more natural.

In conclusion, learning to save money early is very important. It helps young people build good habits for adulthood,eases their parents' financial burden, and provides money for unexpected emergencies or future goals like starting a business.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, the importance of learning to save money early cannot be overstated. It not only helps young people build good habits for adulthood and eases their parents' financial burden, but also provides them with the financial security they need for unexpected emergencies or future goals, such as starting a business.

   The revised sentence provides a more comprehensive conclusion, effectively summarizing the key points discussed in the essay.