Saving money for the future: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
209 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2209 words
It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
it is often argued that saving money for the future is important for everyone, including young people. However, I disagree with this view, as young people from low-income families may struggle to save money due to their limited financial resources and need to prioritise their basic necessities.
For instance, having sufficient savings can help individuals cover medical bills or repair costs without borrow money.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne significant argument for the importance of saving money for everyone is that it can ensure financial stability in the face of unexpected costs.
The revised sentence is more concise and has a better flow.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis can help them avoid falling into debt and provide them with greater financial security.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and the word choice is more precise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, the argument that saving money is not a priority, especially for the economically disadvantaged, presents a different perspective.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
Lexical resource
RevisedIndividuals, regardless of their age, who are struggling to make ends meet, often cannot afford to save money as their income is only sufficient for basic expenses.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic, and the word choice is more precise.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor instance, economically disadvantaged youth may find it challenging to save for the future, as they may struggle to meet their basic needs, and saving could further strain their financial situation.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic, and the word choice is more precise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while saving money for the future has significant benefits like securing financial stability, I opine that it may impose an undue burden on economically disadvantaged individuals.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic, and the word choice is more precise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but the body paragraphs could be more detailed and well-developed. Transitions between ideas and sentences are generally well-handled, but there are a few instances where they could be improved. The essay is generally easy to follow, but there are a few areas where the coherence could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph is well-developed and provides sufficient detail.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne significant argument for the importance of saving money for everyone is that it can ensure financial stability in the face of unexpected costs.
The revised sentence is more concise and has a better flow.
RevisedOn the other hand, the argument that saving money is not a priority, especially for the economically disadvantaged, presents a different perspective.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
RevisedIn conclusion, while saving money for the future has significant benefits like securing financial stability, I opine that it may impose an undue burden on economically disadvantaged individuals.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic, and the word choice is more precise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. The writer uses a variety of sentence structures, which helps to maintain the reader's interest. However, there are a few instances where the grammatical accuracy could be improved for clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedHowever, others contend that saving money may not be a priority for everyone, particularly those from low-income families.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic, and the grammatical structure is more accurate.
RevisedIndividuals, regardless of their age, who are struggling to make ends meet, often cannot save money as their income is only enough for basic expenses.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic, and the grammatical structure is more accurate.
RevisedFor example, young people from low-income families may struggle to save for the future, as they may barely have enough to meet their basic needs, and saving could further strain their financial situation.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic, and the grammatical structure is more accurate.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with only a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The writer uses a variety of sentence structures, which helps to maintain the reader's interest. However, there are a few instances where the word choice could be improved for clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIndividuals, regardless of their age, who are struggling to make ends meet, often cannot afford to save money as their income is only sufficient for basic expenses.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic, and the word choice is more precise.
RevisedFor instance, economically disadvantaged youth may find it challenging to save for the future, as they may struggle to meet their basic needs, and saving could further strain their financial situation.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic, and the word choice is more precise.
RevisedThis can help them avoid falling into debt and provide them with greater financial security.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and the word choice is more precise.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The writer's opinion is clearly stated and well-supported. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments.
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