Problems caused by cars: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 7.0

It has become increasingly common for more and more people to use their private vehicles for daily domestic, social, and professional purposes. While this causes a slippery slope of negative effects to their health, financial situation, and poor environmental conditon, I think increasing the cost of fuels and charging of thier traditional and electric cars and encouraging the use of bicycles can be practical ways to overcome, or at least alleviate, this problem.

There are many problems associated with the usage of personal automobiles. When individuals use their own cars for any purposes on a daily basis, they may often have additional expenses dedicated to parking lots, fuel or recharging, and maintenance as opposed to commuters who choose public transport. At a time when people are already struggling to pay communals and taxes, feed their families, and meet their daily needs, such financial burden coming from the usage of private cars can further depress these drivers. Additionally, these commuters often waste their precious time waiting in traffic jams and searching for parking spaces, thus affecting negatively to their punctuality and workplace productivity. Health effects are another disadvantage. This is because when people are driving their own cars, they should follow traffic rules and predict any possibel road conditions in advance to avoid car accidents and road fatalities, meaning they are always under stress and depression and, in turn, exhausted as well due to the energy spent during the commute.

1. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedThere are several issues associated with the use of personal automobiles.

   The word 'many' is a bit too general in this context. 'Several' is a more appropriate choice as it indicates a specific number.

2. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedAt a time when people are already struggling to pay communal and tax expenses, feed their families, and meet their daily needs, the financial burden from the use of private cars can further depress these drivers.

   The term 'communal' was used incorrectly and caused confusion. The revision clarifies the intended meaning.

However worrything the detrimental effects of personal car-usage seem, I maintain that this problem can be effectively tackled via government intervention and individuals' own responsibility towards their health and finance. By increasing the price of petrols and charging machines, authorities can discourage individuals from using their own private vehicles. This is especially workable for those who came from a lower socio-economic background since they are often seen suffering to make a living for utilities, accommodation and groceries costs. Aside from this, the officials also faciliate a better commuting experiece for users by adding extra buses and subways, enhancing the amenities such as air conditioners, seats, and insulation, which can encourage people to opt for public transport over their own automobiles. In better climatic parts of the world with low rainfall and cold weather, nations can also impose a low requiring the use of bicycles legally. This is becasue cycling can eliminate the parking and fuelling costs while also enhancing the overall physical health of bikers.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedHowever, despite the apparent detrimental effects of personal car-usage, I maintain that this problem can be effectively tackled through government intervention and individuals' own responsibility towards their health and finances.

   The sentence was slightly confusing, and the word 'worrything' is not a valid English word. The revision provides a clear and coherent statement.

2. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedBy increasing the price of petrol and charging machines, authorities can discourage individuals from using their own private vehicles.

   The term 'petrols' is incorrect in this context. The correct term is 'petrol'. The revision removes the 's'.

3. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn regions with favorable climates, low rainfall, and cold temperatures, nations can also implement laws requiring the use of bicycles.

   The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision provides the same information in a more coherent and grammatically accurate manner.

4. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedThis is because cycling can eliminate parking and fueling costs, while also enhancing the overall physical health of cyclists.

   The sentence contains a few spelling errors and the term 'bikers' may not be the most appropriate choice in this context. The revision corrects the spelling errors and uses 'cyclists' instead of 'bikers' for a more formal tone.

In conclusion, although the usage of private vehicles can have detrimental effects for the health and economic situation of commuters, I still believe only through a higher taxation on private vehicles and encouragement towards public transport and vehicles via better experience and legislation can we achiever a better road experience.