Problems caused by cars: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 5.5

People are tend to use their cars for everyday social, working and domestic purposes, but these frequent usage of cars arecausing for a number of problems. Because people are using their own transport for their needs, traffic jams are becoming common, and to reduce them people should try public transportation.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedPeople's dependence on personal transport has led to frequent traffic jams. To alleviate this issue, it is advisable to use public transportation.

   The sentence is a bit confusing and the use of 'try' is not the best choice. The revised sentence is more direct and clear.

Today's most problematic action that is taken by almost every human being is using their personal transport and cause traffic on the roads. When there are more cars outside, roads will be full and trasportation system can not be accessible for everybody. as a result people will be late for work and children cannot go to the schools either at the right time. Some countries are trying to escape this problem using public transport and bikes if the distance is not far. In Japan people are using more and more bikes to go somewhere, and by doing that they are reducing some traffic.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedA significant problem that nearly every individual contributes to is the overuse of personal vehicles, leading to traffic congestion.

   The revised sentence is more precise and the collocation is more natural.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAn increase in the number of cars on the road leads to congestion, making the transportation system less accessible for everyone.

   The revised sentence is more precise and the collocation is more natural.

3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedSome countries are addressing this problem by promoting public transport and cycling, even for short distances.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'escaping' is not the best choice. The new sentence conveys the same idea in a more precise way.

Another problem that I did not mention is that, when everybody is using more cars, the air is getting polluted by the waste gases cars are producing. Transportation machines produce carbon dioxide(CO2) and much more other gesses that can make our atmosphere pollute and cause to rise the temperature. after air gets polluted, the life in earth can face extinction and far more problems are going to occur. to avoid this problem we should use cars less and use more transport that doesn't use petrol. moreover, bikes and pieces which can run by other mateials such as water and electricity can be used in this situation.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedTo mitigate this issue, we should aim to reduce our reliance on cars and opt for more sustainable forms of transportation.

   The revised sentence is more precise and the collocation is more natural.

While everybody is using their cars which use petrol for their own advantages, I firmly believe that we need to use personal transportation less than we are currently using or find something that will not make life to get worseand nature recover and get better.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAs long as we continue to use petrol-based personal transportation, I believe we should reduce our dependence or find alternatives that will not degrade our environment further.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and the idea is expressed more clearly.