Parents telling children stories: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
260 words. Marked by Axiom on 11 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2260 words
Some people think that parents should read or tell stories to their children. Others believe that parents do not need to do this, as children can read books or watch TV and movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Parents telling stories or reading books to their children is widely considered beneficial to their development. However, some argue that parents are not required to do so as children can read and watch television independently.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI firmly believe that parental encouragement, such as reading books or watching movies, enables children to be independent and significantly benefits their progress.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural phrasing.
In other words, parents reading books, for instance, it helps children to expand their vocabulary and use them in everyday life. Furthermore, children whose parents reading books every night may develop better communication skills and express their ideas confidently.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne primary reason I support this idea is that parents' storytelling or reading helps young kids improve their language skills.
The sentence was a bit long and confusing. It has been revised to make it more concise and clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedTherefore, parental support plays a significant role in improving and developing children's language skills.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate phrasing.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedConversely, another important point is that storytelling stimulates children's cognitive abilities and imagination.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the contrasting point.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn other words, when parents read stories aloud, children learn to imagine different situations, and they can put themselves into the shoes of the characters, thinking about how they would address the issue.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and fluent phrasing.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor example, statistics show that children whose parents tell stories have a greater potential for problem-solving and independent thinking.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural phrasing.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, parental support can significantly impact children's language skills, including listening and vocabulary.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn addition, storytelling develops children's imagination and cognitive skills, such as problem-solving, independent thinking, and expressing their ideas and emotions confidently.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural phrasing.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI believe that these children may grow up to be independent and creative individuals in the future.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural phrasing.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but the body paragraphs could be more detailed. Transitions between ideas are generally well-handled, but some sentences are a bit long and complex, which can make them difficult to follow.
Suggestions
- Try to vary your linking words to create a smoother flow of ideas.
- Break down long and complex sentences into shorter, more manageable ones.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne primary reason I support this idea is that parents' storytelling or reading helps young kids improve their language skills.
The sentence was a bit long and confusing. It has been revised to make it more concise and clear.
RevisedConversely, another important point is that storytelling stimulates children's cognitive abilities and imagination.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the contrasting point.
RevisedIn conclusion, parental support can significantly impact children's language skills, including listening and vocabulary.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and is generally accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that could be improved.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI firmly believe that parental encouragement, such as reading books or watching movies, enables children to be independent and significantly benefits their progress.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural phrasing.
RevisedIn addition, storytelling develops children's imagination and cognitive skills, such as problem-solving, independent thinking, and expressing their ideas and emotions confidently.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural phrasing.
RevisedI believe that these children may grow up to be independent and creative individuals in the future.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural phrasing.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and some flexibility in use of words and phrases. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedTherefore, parental support plays a significant role in improving and developing children's language skills.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate phrasing.
RevisedIn other words, when parents read stories aloud, children learn to imagine different situations, and they can put themselves into the shoes of the characters, thinking about how they would address the issue.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and fluent phrasing.
RevisedFor example, statistics show that children whose parents tell stories have a greater potential for problem-solving and independent thinking.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural phrasing.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. Both sides of the argument are discussed, and the writer's opinion is clearly stated. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments.
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