Parents telling children stories: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
324 words. Marked by Axiom on 10 April 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2324 words
Some people believe that it is important for parents to tell or read stories to their children. Others think that parents don’t have to do this because there are many sources like books, TV, and movies. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is ongoing debate which one is important to listening story, while some consider that parents should be responsible for it, others believe that modern technology and media can fulfill this role.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI'm in favour of the former view.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and needs to be revised for clarity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSome argue that in the 21st century, children can easily access digital technology, including TV, movies, and books, which can provide interactive learning opportunities.
The sentence is a bit confusing and could be more clearly expressed.
In 21 century children can easily access to technology and also most of books and media companies try to create book or media sources with visually interesting images and creative pictures to provide learning processes smoothly. Moreover children can enhance their language skill while watching videos or books which provides wide range of vocabulary. Audio and video sources available on the internet, it makes easy to engage unconsciously.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThese developments help children understand complex ideas in an interactive and easy way.
The sentence is missing some articles, which can make the meaning unclear.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedDespite these technological advancements, I believe the advantages of storytelling are more significant for two main reasons.
The sentence could be more clearly connected to the previous one for better cohesion.
Reading stories to children build strong emotional connection among them , since children often struggle to read or watch their own at an early age . Children take guidance from their parents to understand unfamiliar words and complicated ideas as they spend time together .
As a result, it cause to poor decision-making and it lead to engage in many violent or age- inappropriate films without the help of parents.
Lexical resource
RevisedWhile it is true that children can easily access audio and video resources on the internet, they may struggle to choose what to watch on television or what to read.
The sentence is a bit awkward and could be more clearly expressed.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedApart from strengthening family bonds, storytelling can improve listening skills, which are valuable for future development.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and needs to be revised for clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn conclusion, although digital technology can provide an easy and interesting way to listen to stories, it cannot replace the role of parents in storytelling.
The sentence is a bit awkward and could be more clearly expressed.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSome argue that in the 21st century, children can easily access digital technology, including TV, movies, and books, which can provide interactive learning opportunities.
The sentence is a bit confusing and could be more clearly expressed.
RevisedThese developments help children understand complex ideas in an interactive and easy way.
The sentence is missing some articles, which can make the meaning unclear.
RevisedDespite these technological advancements, I believe the advantages of storytelling are more significant for two main reasons.
The sentence could be more clearly connected to the previous one for better cohesion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows an understanding of complex grammar. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effectively written to clearly state the writer's opinion.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThere is an ongoing debate about the importance of parents telling or reading stories to children, with some believing that modern technology and media can fulfill this role.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and needs to be revised for clarity.
RevisedI'm in favour of the former view.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and needs to be revised for clarity.
RevisedApart from strengthening family bonds, storytelling can improve listening skills, which are valuable for future development.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and needs to be revised for clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the conclusion could use more varied language to effectively summarize the main points.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSome argue that digital technology, including TV, movies, and books, can effectively engage children and provide interactive learning opportunities.
The sentence is a bit awkward and could be more clearly expressed.
RevisedWhile it is true that children can easily access audio and video resources on the internet, they may struggle to choose what to watch on television or what to read.
The sentence is a bit awkward and could be more clearly expressed.
RevisedIn conclusion, although digital technology can provide an easy and interesting way to listen to stories, it cannot replace the role of parents in storytelling.
The sentence is a bit awkward and could be more clearly expressed.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both views and providing the writer's opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could provide more specific examples to support its points. Additionally, the conclusion could more effectively summarize the main points and clearly state the writer's opinion.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with specific examples.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and clearly states your opinion.
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