Parents telling children stories: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
294 words. Marked by Axiom on 6 August 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2294 words
Some people believe that it is important for parents to tell or read stories for their children. Others think that parents don’t have to do this because children can learn stories from books, TV, and movies. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In the contemporary world, there is an ongoing debate which some people
believe that it is important for parents to tell or read stories for their children,
while others argue that parents do not have to do this because children can learn
strories from books, TV, and movies. I firmly believe that children should learn
stories from internet.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, for parents to tell or read stories to their children can be a time-consuming task.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise expression of the idea.
because stories are often long and children ask to tell more. This may result
negatively for parents because they will not get enough time to work due to
telling stories for their children. However, if parents tell stories to children, they
will decide on a suitable storie based on the children's interests. Take the United
States as an example, American parents tell or read stories for their children, as
a result they may be late for their work, but the children be happy.
On the other hand, letting children to learn stories independently has its some
positive and negative sides. The main problem is damaging thier eye sight, due
to the fact that gadgets release blue ray which is harmful for people's eyes. The
main positive effect is that learning independently enables children to choose any
kinds of stories. Although TV, movies and books may offer some violent stories,
there are a wide range of positive stories. United Kingdom would be the most
suitable example since the parents there often busy, children find stories
independently from books and TV, especially from internet. Therefore this clearly
shows why I support this idea.
In conclusion, although some people argue that it is essential for parents to tell or
read stories for their children, I believe that children can learn stories from
magazines, internet and movies.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your opinion.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn conclusion, while some argue that it is essential for parents to tell or read stories to their children, I believe that children can learn from other sources such as books, the internet, and movies.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and better connection to the writer's opinion.
RevisedOn the one hand, for parents to tell or read stories to their children can be a time-consuming task.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise expression of the idea.
RevisedOn the other hand, allowing children to learn stories independently can have both positive and negative aspects.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and fluent expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and a variety of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can be distracting for the reader. The essay uses a variety of complex structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can be distracting for the reader. These errors need to be addressed to improve the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, for parents to tell or read stories to their children can be a time-consuming task.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and makes the meaning clearer.
RevisedHowever, if parents tell stories to children, they can choose stories that are suitable for the children's interests.
The revised sentence corrects the plural form of 'story' and provides a clearer expression of the idea.
RevisedThe United Kingdom is a relevant example, where busy parents may not have the time to read to their children, and children can find stories independently from books, TV, and the internet.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and provides a clearer expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI firmly believe that children can learn stories from the internet.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and makes the meaning clearer.
RevisedThis may have a negative impact on parents, as they may not have enough time to work if they are constantly telling stories to their children.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and fluent expression of the idea.
RevisedThe main concern is the potential damage to their eyesight, as the blue light emitted by gadgets can be harmful to the eyes.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The conclusion could also be strengthened by providing a more definitive statement of the writer's opinion.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
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