Parents telling children stories: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
380 words. Marked by Axiom on 2 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2380 words
Some people think that parents should read or tell stories to their children. Others believe that parents do not need to do this, as children can read books or watch TV and movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people think that parents should read or tell stories to their children. Others believe that parents do not need to do this, as children can read books or watch TV and movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Opinions tend to vary regarding whether reading or telling stories should be the parents' responsibility, with one school of thought supporting this idea. Others, however, contend that since children can obtain this information from different sources by themselves, parents should not have such a duty.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI agree with the former idea, as it can positively affect children.
The use of 'I, personally,' is redundant. The revised sentence is more natural and concise.
In particular, books and televisions allow them to know more about stories without requiring their parents' involvement.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdmittedly, the advancement of technology has completely changed the way people live, especially impacting how children obtain information.
The revised sentence is more concise and the use of the present perfect tense is more appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne important reason why parents should not always be the sole source of stories to their children is that children have access to a wide range of information from different sources.
The revised sentence is more precise and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn the past, since there were fewer types of books and no advanced technology, many parents used to tell stories they had heard from their parents to their children.
The phrase 'back then' is informal and could be replaced with 'in the past' for a more formal tone.
Lexical resource
RevisedHowever, with the development of technology, it has become less necessary for parents to tell or read tales to their children.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTherefore, some people believe that parents should not have the obligation to tell stories to their children.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
As valid as this point may seem, I still subscribe to the view echoed by a group of people who assert that parents need to read or tell stories to their children. In detail, parents can deliver the exact meaning of stories which is better than reading books or watching movies given their more unhelpful information.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe key factor is the potential for misunderstandings.
The revised sentence is more precise and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAnother point to note is that children tend to remember better when they hear stories from someone else, which can enhance their memory.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHence, I argue that parents should still do this.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic.
Having considered both sides of this case, I came to the conclusion that even though children can read books and watch TV and movies through modern technology, making parents free from their responsibility, I reckon that parents should still read or tell stories to their children, as it can positively affect children, having better understanding and memory.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but the body paragraphs could be more focused and concise. Transitions between ideas and sentences are generally well-handled, but there are a few instances where they could be improved. The essay is generally easy to follow, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss each view, and a conclusion that restates the writer's opinion. However, the body paragraphs could be more focused and concise, with each paragraph discussing one main idea in detail.
Suggestions
- Try to make your arguments more concise and focused.
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAdmittedly, the advancement of technology has completely changed the way people live, especially impacting how children obtain information.
The revised sentence is more concise and the use of the present perfect tense is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedTherefore, some people believe that parents should not have the obligation to tell stories to their children.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedHence, I argue that parents should still do this.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and is mostly accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that do not significantly impact the overall clarity of the essay. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of grammatical structures, with few errors. However, there are a few minor errors, which could be revised for clarity and precision. The essay is generally well-written, with few grammatical errors. However, there are a few minor errors, which could be revised for clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI agree with the former idea, as it can positively affect children.
The use of 'I, personally,' is redundant. The revised sentence is more natural and concise.
RevisedIn the past, since there were fewer types of books and no advanced technology, many parents used to tell stories they had heard from their parents to their children.
The phrase 'back then' is informal and could be replaced with 'in the past' for a more formal tone.
RevisedAnother point to note is that children tend to remember better when they hear stories from someone else, which can enhance their memory.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, which could be revised to improve clarity and precision. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which helps to keep the reader engaged. However, there are a few instances of awkward or ungrammatical sentences, which could be revised for clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne important reason why parents should not always be the sole source of stories to their children is that children have access to a wide range of information from different sources.
The revised sentence is more precise and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
RevisedHowever, with the development of technology, it has become less necessary for parents to tell or read tales to their children.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedThe key factor is the potential for misunderstandings.
The revised sentence is more precise and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. Both sides of the argument are discussed in a balanced way, and the writer's opinion is clearly stated and supported. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. Both sides of the argument are discussed in a balanced way, and the writer's opinion is clearly stated and supported. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by ensuring that the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and restates the position clearly.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes your key points and restates your position clearly.
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