Mobile phones in public places: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 7.0

Although mobile phones have already been an inseparable part of people’s life, there are arguments between some people about restricting these devices in public places like libraries, shops and public transport. In my opinion, both sides can be justified by following: while reasonable regulation need to be set in certain places such as libraries, letting people to follow social etiquettes in other public places is a good idea as humans are intelligent creatures.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn my opinion, both perspectives have merit: reasonable regulations should be in place in areas like libraries, while enabling people to observe social etiquette in other public spaces is beneficial, given our capacity for intelligence and self-regulation.

   The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and it improves the flow of ideas.

Generally, most people who visit libraries want to focus on their work, whether it’s a planning of a promising business project or just a reading lovely book. To achieve a peaceful environment in libraries, authorities try to ban cell phones or take some regulatory actions like setting certain rules to use phones in these places. In addition, every equipment like computers, headphones and even smart screens is provided in modern libraries, leaving no need for using a phone.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedGenerally, most people who visit libraries want to focus on their work, whether it involves planning a business project or reading a lovely book.

   The revised sentence corrects the preposition and article usage.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAdditionally, modern libraries are equipped with all necessary facilities such as computers, headphones, and smart screens, eliminating the need for a phone.

   The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.

However, not every place should be phone free to keep public disturbance low. Also, self-regulating works well in these places. In shops, for example, in most cases causing distraction is highly unlikely as everyone is busy searching for the items they need, or taking advice from friends on their purchases. Commuting to work on public transport can be a boring process especially for people who works on long distances from home. In this case, using phones, even scrolling through social media may not be that annoying, keeping social etiquettes in mind of course.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedHowever, not every public space should be phone-free to minimize disturbance.

   The revised sentence is more formal and precise, which is more suitable for an IELTS essay.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAdditionally, self-regulation tends to be effective in these settings.

   The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIn this case, using phones, even for activities like scrolling through social media, may not be that disruptive, provided we adhere to social etiquette.

   The revised sentence is more precise and formal.

In conclusion, restricting mobile phone use in every public place is not an ideal solution to keep the healthy environment, and taking actions accordingly could be more beneficial.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIn conclusion, implementing restrictions on mobile phone use in all public spaces may not be the ideal solution for maintaining a healthy environment; taking a more nuanced approach could be more beneficial.

   The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.