International cooperation: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
240 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2240 words
Most of the urgent problems can only be solved with international cooperation. Do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that the world's most urgent problems can only be solved through international cooperation.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI personally agree with this view; however, I believe that while governments should not act alone, there should also be an element of individual responsibility.
The original sentence is a run-on sentence and contains a comma splice. The revision corrects these errors and makes the sentence more concise and clear.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFirstly, many urgent issues, such as climate change,
The phrase was incomplete and needed additional information to make it a complete sentence.
such as climate change cannot be addressed by a single nation.cooperation between several countries can significantly reduce global emissions. For example, in most of African countries global warming is caused for serious health concerns for both animals and humans. Furthermore, climate change is causing severe drought and unpredictable rainfall across Africa.
Lexical resource
RevisedCountries like Germany are assisting in strengthening infrastructure in Congo by providing financial support.
The term 'reinforcement' is not appropriate in this context. The revision provides a more suitable word choice.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe European Union has been involved in a water management operation, providing diplomatic support and technical mapping that allows African nations to protect and manage their water supplies.
The original sentence is unclear and contains several errors. The revision provides a more clear and concise version of the same idea.
individuals should also take a part in preventing such problems that can be avoided if everyone fight together.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSecondly, cooperation should not be limited to just governments,
The original phrase was awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more concise and effective way to convey the same idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor instance, small actions such as recycling materials instead of discarding them and reducing water waste can contribute to solving pollution.
The original sentence is awkward and ungrammatical. The revision provides a more clear and concise version of the same idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedSmall actions, when adopted collectively by millions of people, create a significant large-scale impact.
The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more concise and effective way to convey the same idea.
public awareness can push governments toward stronger international action by reducing the waste of plastic, paper.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while global urgent problems should not be ignored by governments,
The phrase 'Meanwhile the global urgent problems' is not coherent. The revision provides a clear and logical conclusion.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis will significantly reduce environmental harm.
The original sentence is incomplete. The revision provides a complete and more concise version of the same idea.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but the connection between some ideas and paragraphs could be enhanced. The introduction sets up the main points well, but the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key arguments. Clearer topic sentences and more explicit linking words would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFirstly, many urgent issues, such as climate change,
The phrase was incomplete and needed additional information to make it a complete sentence.
RevisedSecondly, cooperation should not be limited to just governments,
The original phrase was awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more concise and effective way to convey the same idea.
RevisedIn conclusion, while global urgent problems should not be ignored by governments,
The phrase 'Meanwhile the global urgent problems' is not coherent. The revision provides a clear and logical conclusion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include issues with punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, "it should also include individual responsibility too" should be "it should also include individual responsibility." Proofreading the essay for grammatical errors and ensuring correct punctuation, spacing, and sentence structure will improve the overall quality. Additionally, focusing on variety in sentence structure will help to make the writing more engaging and dynamic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI personally agree with this view; however, I believe that while governments should not act alone, there should also be an element of individual responsibility.
The original sentence is a run-on sentence and contains a comma splice. The revision corrects these errors and makes the sentence more concise and clear.
RevisedFor instance, small actions such as recycling materials instead of discarding them and reducing water waste can contribute to solving pollution.
The original sentence is awkward and ungrammatical. The revision provides a more clear and concise version of the same idea.
RevisedThis will significantly reduce environmental harm.
The original sentence is incomplete. The revision provides a complete and more concise version of the same idea.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of complex language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some awkward or incorrect word choices. For example, "reinforcement" in the context of "reinforcement in Congo" is not the most appropriate word choice. Refining word choices and ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, using a wider variety of vocabulary will help to demonstrate a higher level of proficiency.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedCountries like Germany are assisting in strengthening infrastructure in Congo by providing financial support.
The term 'reinforcement' is not appropriate in this context. The revision provides a more suitable word choice.
RevisedThe European Union has been involved in a water management operation, providing diplomatic support and technical mapping that allows African nations to protect and manage their water supplies.
The original sentence is unclear and contains several errors. The revision provides a more clear and concise version of the same idea.
RevisedSmall actions, when adopted collectively by millions of people, create a significant large-scale impact.
The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more concise and effective way to convey the same idea.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear position, but the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay provides relevant examples to support the main points, but these could be more effectively integrated into the overall argument. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Ensuring that the introduction and conclusion are well-developed and effectively bookend the essay will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion. Additionally, providing more detailed explanations and analysis of the examples provided will help to strengthen the overall argument.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported. Provide specific examples to illustrate your points.
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