History or science at school: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
270 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2270 words
Some people say history is one of the most important school subject. Other people think thatin today's world subject like science and technology are more important thatn history
Some people argue that history plays a pivotal role in modern life, while others believe that technology and science are significant than history. In my opinion, the latter option is highly beneficial than the former view, as it gives people a lot of opportunities for their future prospects.
A good example is that Therefore, in order to have a good future, acquiring about high-tech or history is one of the most effective ways,
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne main reason cutting-edge devices and science subjects are more important than history is that they provide more opportunities for students in the future.
The revised sentence is more concise and coherent.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe first argument is that studying technology or science can lead to high-paying jobs due to the increasing demand for such knowledge and expertise.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear in terms of word choice.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIT tutors get a high salary no matter where they work, whether in schools or in higher education.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more natural in terms of collocation.
One primary reason can be the digital life. As a result, people prioritize working at the high salaried vacancies, including IT teacher.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedConversely, history is being perceived as less important in education.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the contrasting point.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn fact, people are living in a globalized world, where everything is becoming more modern, and thus, people are starting to consider history as less important.
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFurthermore, everyone is in a hurry to generate a profit in order to survive.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and is more natural in terms of word choice.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAlthough history plays a vital role in helping us understand our past, it might not guarantee a good career, which everyone expects to have.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and is more natural in terms of word choice.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while history enriches students with knowledge of the past, it may not guarantee them high salaries.
The revised conclusion is more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Lexical resource
RevisedWhile modern subjects, such as IT and science, provide a higher assurance of securing a good job due to an immense demand for them.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear in terms of word choice.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph coherently.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne main reason cutting-edge devices and science subjects are more important than history is that they provide more opportunities for students in the future.
The revised sentence is more concise and coherent.
RevisedConversely, history is being perceived as less important in education.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the contrasting point.
RevisedIn conclusion, while history enriches students with knowledge of the past, it may not guarantee them high salaries.
The revised conclusion is more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures and shows a good level of grammatical control. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIT tutors get a high salary no matter where they work, whether in schools or in higher education.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more natural in terms of collocation.
RevisedFurthermore, everyone is in a hurry to generate a profit in order to survive.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and is more natural in terms of word choice.
RevisedAlthough history plays a vital role in helping us understand our past, it might not guarantee a good career, which everyone expects to have.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and is more natural in terms of word choice.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some attempts at using more formal language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe first argument is that studying technology or science can lead to high-paying jobs due to the increasing demand for such knowledge and expertise.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear in terms of word choice.
RevisedIn fact, people are living in a globalized world, where everything is becoming more modern, and thus, people are starting to consider history as less important.
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.
RevisedWhile modern subjects, such as IT and science, provide a higher assurance of securing a good job due to an immense demand for them.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear in terms of word choice.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant arguments. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.
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