Healthy living: countryside or city: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
234 words. Marked by Axiom on 28 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2234 words
Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThere is a debate about whether living in the countryside or in the cities contributes to a healthy life.
The original sentence is not clear. The revision provides a more accurate and natural-sounding statement.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAlthough it is true that living in cities has health benefits, I personally side with the view that the countryside is a prime factor in maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
The sentence is a bit confusing and the use of 'prime factor of being healthy' is not clear. The revision provides a more coherent and precise statement.
Regarding with living in cities, there are certain benefits. Because every city has hospital, and it was proved by scientists who graduated top-tier universities. If someone has some sort of disease, he will go to the hospital — it is fully free for citizens — to get treatment.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne of the benefits is the presence of hospitals.
The original sentence is not grammatically correct. The revision provides a more accurate and natural-sounding statement.
Lexical resource
RevisedSecondly, it is easy to access over-the-counter painkillers, which are readily available in many city pharmacies.
The original sentence is not clear. The revision provides a more precise and natural-sounding statement.
The primary reason for people living healthy is fresh air. As when people breathe fresh air, their body feel it as a relax, and it is useful for both physically, and intellectually. As a consequence, they live more than those who don’t breathe fresh air. As a result, people can gain strength.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, I believe that living in the countryside is undeniably more beneficial for a healthy lifestyle.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'however' provides a smoother transition from the previous idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe second reason is the availability of high-quality food such as meat, milk, and bread.
The original sentence is not clear. The revision provides a more precise and natural-sounding statement.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis is because they are crucial for maintaining good health.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a more accurate and natural-sounding statement.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, although living in cities has its benefits for a healthy lifestyle, I firmly believe that the countryside offers greater potential for maintaining good health.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'greater potential' provides a clearer and more precise statement.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument difficult to follow. Additionally, there are some issues with coherence, as the connection between ideas is not always clear. More effective use of cohesive devices and a clearer connection between ideas would improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent and appropriate.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAlthough it is true that living in cities has health benefits, I personally side with the view that the countryside is a prime factor in maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
The sentence is a bit confusing and the use of 'prime factor of being healthy' is not clear. The revision provides a more coherent and precise statement.
RevisedHowever, I believe that living in the countryside is undeniably more beneficial for a healthy lifestyle.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'however' provides a smoother transition from the previous idea.
RevisedIn conclusion, although living in cities has its benefits for a healthy lifestyle, I firmly believe that the countryside offers greater potential for maintaining good health.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'greater potential' provides a clearer and more precise statement.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few minor errors, such as incorrect verb forms and preposition usage, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. More focus on grammatical accuracy, such as proofreading for errors, would improve the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThere is a debate about whether living in the countryside or in the cities contributes to a healthy life.
The original sentence is not clear. The revision provides a more accurate and natural-sounding statement.
RevisedWhen people breathe in fresh air, their bodies relax, which is beneficial for their health.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a more accurate and natural-sounding statement.
RevisedThis is because they are crucial for maintaining good health.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a more accurate and natural-sounding statement.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. More precise and varied vocabulary would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne of the benefits is the presence of hospitals.
The original sentence is not grammatically correct. The revision provides a more accurate and natural-sounding statement.
RevisedSecondly, it is easy to access over-the-counter painkillers, which are readily available in many city pharmacies.
The original sentence is not clear. The revision provides a more precise and natural-sounding statement.
RevisedThe second reason is the availability of high-quality food such as meat, milk, and bread.
The original sentence is not clear. The revision provides a more precise and natural-sounding statement.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant arguments. The writer effectively discusses the benefits of both living in cities and in the countryside, providing a balanced view. However, the argument could be more fully developed, with more specific examples needed to support the points made. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.
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