Healthy living: countryside or city: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 8.0

Health has long been an integral part of human life, and there is a view that living in urban areas has health related benefits, whereas others claim that people find it easier to lead a healthy lifestyle in rural areas. I do not disregard some potential harms that living in cities may bring such as stress experienced by citizens;however, I still side with those who argue that living in such places are more beneficial, since it provides with better and faster treatment.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedI do not overlook the potential harms that living in cities may bring, such as the stress experienced by citizens; however, I still align with those who argue that urban living is more beneficial, as it offers better and faster medical treatment.

   The revision corrects the sentence structure and provides a more accurate word choice.

One of the possible disadvantages of living in cities is its potentially negative impact on individuals’ mental well-being, especially among those who are more prone to psychological issues. In other words, as cities are usually overcrowded and lively, many people often have to face different challenges ranging from traffic jams to noise pollution, all of which makes every day life much harder. For instance, a recent review of 71 studies published by American Psychological Association has found that air pollution is directly associated with diminished cognitive development. Consequently, residents in such situations are more likely to suffer from high levels of stress and anxiety, which may eventually translate into depression in the worst-case scenario.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOne potential disadvantage of living in cities is the impact it may have on individuals' mental well-being, particularly those more susceptible to psychological issues.

   This revision provides a more direct and clear statement of the disadvantage of living in cities.

Nevertheless, the supporters of living in cities, including myself, hold the view that these potential drawbacks should not overshadow the possible benefits of this policy. One major advantage is that cities usually offer better high-quality healthcare services, making it easier for residents to maintain their physical well-being. Urban areas tend to have well-equipped hospitals and specialized medical facilities, where people can receive treatment from qualified healthcare professionals. This is especially beneficial for those suffering from chronic illnesses, since regular medical check-ups and early diagnosis can prevent manageable health problems from developing into more serious conditions. For example, a person with a heart condition living in a major city can receive specialised treatment without travelling long distances. As a consequence, access to reliable healthcare services can significantly improve people’s overall health and life expectancy.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedHowever, proponents of urban living, myself included, believe that the potential drawbacks should not overshadow the benefits of this lifestyle.

   This revision provides a more concise and clear statement of the author's position.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedA significant advantage of cities is the provision of high-quality healthcare services, which facilitate the maintenance of physical well-being.

   The revision provides a more formal and academic phrasing of the idea.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis is particularly advantageous for individuals with chronic illnesses, as regular medical check-ups and early diagnosis can prevent minor health issues from escalating into serious conditions.

   The revision provides a more precise and effective word choice to convey the idea.

4. Lexical resource

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   RevisedConsequently, access to dependable healthcare services can greatly enhance individuals' overall health and life expectancy.

   The revision provides a more formal and academic tone, which is more suitable for an IELTS essay.

In conclusion, although there is a risk of psychological issues associated with living in cities, I firmly believe that its benefits are far more significant for the aforementioned reasons.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, despite the risk of psychological issues associated with city living, I am firmly convinced of its benefits, as outlined above.

   This revision provides a more formal and academic tone, which is more suitable for an IELTS essay.