Growing city populations: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
321 words. Marked by Axiom on 5 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2321 words
Population in cities is growing rapidly. What are the effects of it? What solutions can you give to maintain a good quality of life in urban ares?
In recent years, the population in urban areas has been witnessing a steady increase. Although multiple factors contribute to this phenomenon, there are several practical solutions to preserve an excellent quality of lifestyle in cities. To clarify, not only career prospects but salaries are also at the minimum level in small towns and rural places, so individuals suffer from insufficient vacancies and earnings. As a result, people cannot provide their family members with essential households and food. Nevertheless, to counter this problem and to maintain a good quality of life, business enterprises play a crucial role. To illustrate, policymakers should provide financial incentives for commercial establishments to open factories and manufacturing facilities in villages and small towns. For example, most of the top-quality universities and specialized colleges are established in urban zones, which attracts a significant number of students. Consequently, every year more and more young people relocate to metropolitan places to pursue modern higher education and, ultimately, better career prospects. Through economic development and expanded access to higher education, it is possible to curb population growth and foster a high standard of living in urban zones.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne major factor contributing to this issue is the abundance of employment opportunities in metropolitan areas.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the 'factor' and the 'issue'.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs a consequence, people can enjoy a good quality of life in non-urban areas and earn sufficient wages to support their families.
The term 'get pleasure from their life' is awkward. 'Enjoy a good quality of life' is more natural. Also, 'supply their relatives' is awkward. 'Support their families' is more natural.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother significant reason is the lack of higher educational institutions in non-urban areas.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the 'reason' and the 'inadequacy'.
Lexical resource
RevisedTo address this challenge, the establishment of new branches of prestigious universities and the promotion of distance learning are crucial.
The revised sentence is more precise and sounds more natural.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAuthorities should support prestigious universities in opening new departments in provincial areas and encourage the development of online educational platforms.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Lexical resource
RevisedTherefore, young individuals could remain in their hometowns and receive a world-class education without having to move to urban areas.
The term 'born places' is awkward. 'Hometowns' is more natural in this context.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the numerous laboring prospects and the lack of higher academic organizations are key drivers of the substantial escalation of population in urban areas. However, these challenges can be effectively addressed.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the two parts of the sentence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each discuss a single cause of urban population growth and their corresponding solutions, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. You use transition words effectively to guide the reader through your argument (e.g., "One major factor," "Another significant reason," "In conclusion"), contributing to a smooth flow of ideas. To further improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the ideas within paragraphs are logically ordered and clearly connected to each other and to your overall argument.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne major factor contributing to this issue is the abundance of employment opportunities in metropolitan areas.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the 'factor' and the 'issue'.
RevisedAnother significant reason is the lack of higher educational institutions in non-urban areas.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the 'reason' and the 'inadequacy'.
RevisedIn conclusion, the numerous laboring prospects and the lack of higher academic organizations are key drivers of the substantial escalation of population in urban areas. However, these challenges can be effectively addressed.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the two parts of the sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay shows a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay demonstrates a good command of complex sentence structures and a variety of grammatical forms. There are a few minor errors that do not significantly impact the readability or the overall quality of the writing. To further improve, pay attention to the consistency and accuracy of your grammatical structures, and consider varying your sentence structures to add more complexity and nuance to your writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn recent years, there has been a steady increase in the population in urban areas.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedAs a consequence, people can enjoy a good quality of life in non-urban areas and earn sufficient wages to support their families.
The term 'get pleasure from their life' is awkward. 'Enjoy a good quality of life' is more natural. Also, 'supply their relatives' is awkward. 'Support their families' is more natural.
RevisedAuthorities should support prestigious universities in opening new departments in provincial areas and encourage the development of online educational platforms.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. Your vocabulary is varied and appropriate, with terms like "phenomenon," "counteract," "incentives," and "provinces" effectively conveying your ideas. To further enhance your lexical resource, consider using a wider variety of synonyms and more complex language to express your ideas, and ensure the accuracy of your word choices for maximum clarity and effect.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne major factor contributing to this issue is the abundant employment opportunities in metropolitan areas.
The term 'various' is too broad in this context. 'Abundant' is more precise and conveys the intended meaning.
RevisedTo address this challenge, the establishment of new branches of prestigious universities and the promotion of distance learning are crucial.
The revised sentence is more precise and sounds more natural.
RevisedTherefore, young individuals could remain in their hometowns and receive a world-class education without having to move to urban areas.
The term 'born places' is awkward. 'Hometowns' is more natural in this context.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas. You have addressed the task effectively by providing a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples and solutions. Your ideas are well-developed and logically organized, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea that is clearly linked to your overall argument. To further enhance your response, consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments and ensure that your proposed solutions are fully developed and feasible.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that your proposed solutions are fully developed and feasible.
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