The effects of advertising: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 6.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

341 words. Marked by Axiom on 12 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2341 words

Some people say advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it will make people dissatisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

There is a view on the impacts of advertising. Some people argue that advertising can be benefical in economic fields in terms of the improvement of intertaional coorparation and the reductant in unemployment, while some claim that it can cause social problems such as people’s dissatisfiction towards themselves and their tangible objects. Although There are some valid reasons behind the drawbacks of advertising, I would side with those who support the advantages of it.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedSome people argue that advertising can be beneficial in economic fields by improving international cooperation and reducing unemployment, while others claim that it can lead to social problems such as dissatisfaction with oneself and one's possessions.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling errors and provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
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RevisedAlthough there are valid reasons behind the drawbacks of advertising, I personally support the use of advertising due to its numerous advantages.
The revision provides a smoother transition and a more formal expression of the writer's opinion.

Opponents of advertising cite various reasons to support their stance. One major reason is lack of fullfilment. If people watch different advertising on TV or online, they can feel dissapointed themselves. When some women, for example, face advertisement related to cosmetics and making-up, they are likely to be dissatisfied from their apperance owing to flawness skin, perfect body and impacable sense of style in such advertisement. A further drawback is that people might dissatisfy their daily ownings such as cars, kitchen equipments or home appliences via the influence of advertising. This can lead to throw away objects before using date, thereby having negative impacts on the total amount of income for selling products in other manufactoring sectors.

Lexical resource
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RevisedAnother potential drawback is that advertising may lead people to be dissatisfied with their personal possessions, such as cars, kitchen appliances, or other daily belongings.
The revision provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.

On the other hand, there are some benefits of adversiting. One of the primary advantages is the contribution to the wealth of a country. When businesses use advertisements to sell their products, the process of selling becomes inreasingly efficient due to widespread products around world, leading to attract more clints and persude to purchase them. The increase in the income of business sectors share benefits dirrectly with their international partnerships, thereby giving an opportunity for the public to try the foreign goods. Another significant advantages is the rise of employments in many fields. When manufactoriers start to co-work with advertising companies, they introduce extra occupations in the work places for unemployed individuals, gaing regular salaries and reliable work-time.

Coherence & cohesion
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RevisedConversely, advertising also has several benefits.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and precise expression of the contrasting point of view.
Lexical resource
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RevisedThe increased income of business sectors directly benefits international partnerships, providing the public with the opportunity to try foreign goods.
The revision provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedAnother significant advantage is the increase in employment opportunities in various fields.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedWhen manufacturers collaborate with advertising companies, they create additional job opportunities for unemployed individuals, providing them with regular salaries and reliable working hours.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling errors and provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.

In conclusion, although advertising may cause some drawbacks including dissatisfaction on physical attractivness and encouragement to give up perssonal objects, I contend that advertisement bring mutual benifts for both producers and consumers.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the potential drawbacks of advertising, such as fostering dissatisfaction with personal appearance and encouraging the disposal of personal belongings,
The revision provides a more formal and precise expression of the conclusion.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of linking words. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas.
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedAlthough there are valid reasons behind the drawbacks of advertising, I personally support the use of advertising due to its numerous advantages.
The revision provides a smoother transition and a more formal expression of the writer's opinion.
RevisedConversely, advertising also has several benefits.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and precise expression of the contrasting point of view.
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the potential drawbacks of advertising, such as fostering dissatisfaction with personal appearance and encouraging the disposal of personal belongings,
The revision provides a more formal and precise expression of the conclusion.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and is generally grammatically accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures, such as passive constructions and conditional sentences, could be increased.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedSome people argue that advertising can be beneficial in economic fields by improving international cooperation and reducing unemployment, while others claim that it can lead to social problems such as dissatisfaction with oneself and one's possessions.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling errors and provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
RevisedWhen manufacturers collaborate with advertising companies, they create additional job opportunities for unemployed individuals, providing them with regular salaries and reliable working hours.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling errors and provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
RevisedAnother significant advantage is the increase in employment opportunities in various fields.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and spelling. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be increased.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOne major reason is that it may lead to a lack of fulfillment.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
RevisedAnother potential drawback is that advertising may lead people to be dissatisfied with their personal possessions, such as cars, kitchen appliances, or other daily belongings.
The revision provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
RevisedThe increased income of business sectors directly benefits international partnerships, providing the public with the opportunity to try foreign goods.
The revision provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.

Task response

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the impact of advertising and providing the writer's opinion. However, the discussion could be more fully developed by providing more specific examples and by offering a more detailed explanation of the implications of each view.

Suggestions

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
Consider offering a more detailed explanation of the implications of each view.

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