The effects of advertising: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 7.5

In recent years advertisements have become more common than ever before. Although some people emphasize the economic benefits brought by this development, others beg to differ accentuating on the adverse effects such as dissatisfaction and ingratitude. There are truths to both of these sides, while advertising can be beneficial in terms of economic prosperity, it indeed harms the social cohesion by fostering consumerism and encourages constant comparison. However, I am of the opinion that advertising itself is not inherently harmful, the way it is used is what alters the concept and thus Introduction of stringent advertising regulations would strike a balance.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThere is truth to both perspectives; while advertising can foster economic prosperity, it also harms social cohesion by fostering consumerism and encouraging constant comparison.

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Admittedly, advertisements stimulate consumer spending and drive demand for goods and services. Ads are mostly creative and attract the attention of consumers, as more and more people become drawn to a certain product, sales increase and this fosters financial growth. Ads not only act as attractions, but also inform customers of the services and goods. The majority of the advertisements display important information regarding the location and costs, this as a result acts as an informative brochure. Further increasing the customer flow.

Additionally, advertising stimulates healthy competition. Businesses tend to copy each other in terms of advertisements. When a production company advertises affordable and high quality product, companies with the same or similar products decrease the prices and enhance the quality to keep up with the ever changing demands. This, in turn, increases healthy competition. Another positive aspect of advertising is additional employment opportunities. It facilitates the demand for employees in creative industries. Companies will hire marketing professionals and media managers to be visible and active.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThis, in turn, fosters healthy competition.

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Despite these seemingly rational argument such advertisements may fuel a culture of consumerism. People are exposed to such materials nearly everywhere. The billboards hold engaging designs, buses, trains, planes and even taxis have become a hunting ground for companies where they hunt for the attention of customers. Naturally, human psyche responds to such manipulative techniques and many people end up making unnecessary purchases, merely to satisfy their needs to keep up with the society.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedNaturally, the human psyche responds to such manipulative techniques, leading many people to make unnecessary purchases in an effort to keep up with societal norms.

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Children and teens are the most affected segments of the population. School children tend to live under constant peer pressure. Where children unconsciously and relentlessly compare each other and end up having similar phones and clothes because this is what their peers are doing. As a result parents have to work longer hours merely to satisfy the needs of their off-spring. This robs of their family time and fosters consumerism. From a psychological standpoint, consumerist societies applause excessive buyers. In the long run, this perpetuates a cycle where satisfaction is always just one purchase away. Thereby justifying the notion held by many.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedWhere children unconsciously and relentlessly compare each other, they end up having similar phones and clothes because this is what their peers are doing.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis robs families of their time and fosters consumerism.

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3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedFrom a psychological standpoint, consumerist societies often applaud excessive buyers.

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I, however, believe that advertising is not the cause of the problem, rather the way it is used is. Informative advertising can assist consumers in making decisions and increases the reputation of companies, whereas manipulative advertising can exploit insecurities. Governments should introduce new laws to regulate the amount of advertisements, specifically when children and teenagers are targeted. This approach would strike a balance between economic benefits and social well-being.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedGovernments should introduce new laws to regulate advertisements, specifically those targeting children and teenagers.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity.

In conclusion, advertising undoubtedly stimulates economic activity, promotes competition and supports employment, but it can also exert considerable psychological pressure on individuals. Therefore, I believe that the most reasonable approach is to impose stricter regulations on misleading and manipulative advertisements, particularly those targeting children. Preserving the economic advantages of advertising and limiting its harmful social effects.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedThis approach would strike a balance between the economic advantages of advertising and the limitations of its harmful social effects.

   The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and the meaning is conveyed more clearly.