The effects of advertising: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
230 words. Marked by Axiom on 12 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2230 words
Some people say advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it will make people dissatisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
There has been an ongoing debate over whether advertising can improve the economy or primarily have negative effects on society.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWhile some people believe that advertising negatively affects society, I argue that it is beneficial as it helps consumers become aware of products.
The revised sentence is more natural and the meaning is clearer.
Opponents of advertising cite various reasons to support their stance. Consequently, this can be contributed to economic problems for both country and individuals.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne of the main drawbacks is that it encourages people to buy new, up-to-date models of products, such as famous brand phones or cars.
The revised sentence is more accurate and the collocation is more natural.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis means that it leads to an increase in loans, causing people to purchase unnecessary items.
The revised sentence is more accurate and the word choice is more appropriate.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs a result, they face challenges when they are required to pay off the loan.
The revised sentence is more natural and the meaning is clearer.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedGiven these circumstances, it is understandable for many to disapprove of this idea.
The revised sentence is more accurate and the word choice is more appropriate.
However, I would argue that advertising offers some benefits for community. In modern world, advertising is displayed via online networking platforms than via TV, since this gives opportunity for full time workers. As a result, it allows individuals who have busy schedule to become aware.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne significant advantage is that it raises awareness about products among citizens.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and effective way to communicate the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis implies that people can find the products they truly need online, especially when they have a busy schedule.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the meaning is clearer.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn conclusion, while there are valid arguments on both sides, I believe that advertising provides numerous benefits to society.
The revised sentence is more accurate and the word choice is more appropriate.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but the body paragraphs could be more detailed and well-developed. Transitions between ideas and sentences are generally well-handled, but there are a few instances where they could be improved. The essay is generally easy to follow, but there are a few areas where the clarity could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph is well-developed and provides sufficient support for your thesis statement.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne significant advantage is that it raises awareness about products among citizens.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and effective way to communicate the idea.
RevisedThis implies that people can find the products they truly need online, especially when they have a busy schedule.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the meaning is clearer.
RevisedGiven these circumstances, it is understandable for many to disapprove of this idea.
The revised sentence is more accurate and the word choice is more appropriate.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are only minor errors. However, there are some sentences that are awkward or ungrammatical. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the grammatical range is generally good. However, there are a few minor errors, and some sentences are awkward or ungrammatical. The essay is generally easy to read, but there are a few instances where the clarity could be improved.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhile some people believe that advertising negatively affects society, I argue that it is beneficial as it helps consumers become aware of products.
The revised sentence is more natural and the meaning is clearer.
RevisedThis leads to an increase in loans, which people use to purchase unnecessary items.
The revised sentence is more natural and the meaning is clearer.
RevisedAs a result, they face challenges when they are required to pay off the loan.
The revised sentence is more natural and the meaning is clearer.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, and some of the collocations are not quite right. The essay is generally easy to understand, but there are a few instances where the clarity could be improved.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis means that it leads to an increase in loans, causing people to purchase unnecessary items.
The revised sentence is more accurate and the word choice is more appropriate.
RevisedOne of the main drawbacks is that it encourages people to buy new, up-to-date models of products, such as famous brand phones or cars.
The revised sentence is more accurate and the collocation is more natural.
RevisedIn conclusion, while there are valid arguments on both sides, I believe that advertising provides numerous benefits to society.
The revised sentence is more accurate and the word choice is more appropriate.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The introduction and conclusion are relevant, and the position is stated clearly. However, the body paragraphs could be more fully developed and supported. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by offering a more detailed explanation of the arguments.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully develop your arguments and support them with relevant examples.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
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