The effects of advertising: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 8.0

In an era characterized by the growing popularity of advertising, there has been an increasing debate about whether it has positive or negative effects on society. While some people argue that advertising can have detrimental social consequences, I contend that its contribution to economic progress makes it a largely beneficial force.

Opponents of advertising cite various reasons to support their stance. One of the key factors driving this view is that the increasing prevalence of advertising is likely to encourage people to purchase unnecessary products in supermarkets. As a result, they may struggle to manage their financial expenses, thereby putting additional pressure on the family budget. When consumers are constantly exposed to adverts that portray luxury products as desirable and suitable for their lifestyles, they may be tempted to spend more than they can afford. For example, Coca-Cola and Pepsi spend millions of dollars improving the quality of their advertisements every year, as they recognize that advertising is a powerful tool in the marketing world. Consequently, many people may become influenced by these promotional campaigns, creating a cycle of unnecessary consumption that can continue until consumers change their attitudes towards advertising.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOne key argument against advertising is that it encourages unnecessary consumerism, as seen in the way it influences people to make unnecessary purchases, such as in supermarkets.

   This revision makes the sentence more concise and directly links the example to the point being made.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedFrequent exposure to advertisements, particularly those portraying luxury products as desirable, can lead to excessive spending and financial mismanagement among consumers.

   This revision makes the sentence more formal and academic, which is more suitable for the IELTS exam.

However, I would argue that promotional campaigns offer constant changes around the world and help people see the world from different perspectives. When marketers establish new and valuable information about products in various industries, including education, healthcare and the economy, people are more likely to become aware of them, which in turn results in greater convenience and better decision-making. For example, advertisements about new medical treatments, educational courses and financial services can help individuals learn about opportunities that they may otherwise be unaware of. As a result, advertising not only encourages economic activity by increasing demand for goods and services, but also allows consumers to make more informed choices. Therefore, despite its potential social drawbacks, I believe that advertising plays a significant role in both economic development and improving people's access to useful information.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAdvertisements informing about new medical treatments, educational courses, and financial services can enhance awareness about beneficial opportunities that individuals might otherwise miss.

   The revision makes the sentence more formal and academic, which is more suitable for the IELTS exam.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedAdvertising not only stimulates economic activity by increasing demand for goods and services, but also empowers consumers to make well-informed choices.

   The verb 'empowers' is more strong and direct than 'allows' in this context.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedTherefore, despite its potential social drawbacks, I am of the belief that advertising plays a significant role in fostering economic development and enhancing people's access to valuable information.

   The phrase 'people's access to useful information' could be more appropriately worded as 'people's access to valuable information'.

In conclusion, although there are valid arguments on both sides, I believe that advertising is a great way for people to see the world from different perspectives and make informed decisions when making purchases. Only through effective policymaking can societies sustain these benefits in the long term.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIn conclusion, despite the valid arguments on both sides, I maintain that advertising provides a great platform for people to gain diverse perspectives and make informed purchasing decisions.

   The phrase 'see the world from different perspectives' is a bit clichéd and could be rephrased for a more original expression.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedLong-term sustenance of these benefits in society can only be achieved through effective policymaking.

   The sentence is a bit awkward and could be rephrased for better clarity.